Broken Doll
by TheFriendlySpirit
Summary: I am a traitor, a dirty spy, a mole, a liar. They trusted me, and I gave them nothing but regret. I am sorry, Naruto... Everyone. I am sorry for what I've done. Rating M: Simply cussing and later on triggering or suggestive themes and even sexual content. Read with care.
1. Chapter 1

**When you suck at writing and you try to do something write. AHAHAHA. So, so funny Elli. You made a pun. Now everybody hates you. Great job, terrific actually. Now just hobble away in your corner and continue writing horrible Fanfiction. Just put the damned Disclaimer already.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own character and thoughts. Everyone else is free of my grasps.**

 **Warning: I cuss. I cuss a lot. I have a demented head, I like to put my character through emotional and physical hell. So uhm I dunno what's to come in here, but if you're a sweet cinnamon roll or can't handle sensitive topics (i.e. self-harm, murder, abuse, etc.) you proooobably should not read. Don't want any sweeties triggered at all.**

 **Word count: 3109**

 **Love count: over 8000 *hands up for people that know what it actually is***

I gazed at the brick on the ceiling. There were exactly 234 bricks making up the contents on my particular ceiling. Then 1353 bricks making up the entire room including the ceiling and floor. The room was cold and damp, but I had grown used to it. I remember the first time I ever set foot in this room. It's really the only memory that actually means something at this point. The bombing, the screaming, the fire. It was such a blur until something had wrapped around my throat and couldn't breathe. I had thought I was dying. In a way I was, seeing the hell I had been placed in. I had overheard them talking once, and figured out exactly why I was here.

I had heard of them, the criminals. They kidnapped high class figures' children all while assassinating their wealthy parents. Only generals, distant royalty, and village suppliers. People with power within the countries. No one knew why they didn't just kill the children, but now I did. I was the last one left, in fact. My eyes carried down to the countless scars. It was because they were creating a demon, and I just happened to be one. Mentally, I had already adapted a semi-morbid thought pattern due to my father's fascination with carnage. When he was ashes and I was swept away, my thoughts had become erratic. My father's influence of uncensored bloody imagery and temper of a bull, mixed with the torture I had experienced in this room. It was hard to find anything in my soul.

They had unlocked my door years ago. When it became apparent I was the one they needed. They risked the chance of me making a run for it. After all, I had long become a slightly fordable opponent. I just didn't see the point of it. What did the world offer me? This place is the only thing I understood fully. I only roamed when they would summon me out, but never did I step foot outside. Frankly, it scared me. Funny coming from the girl that once murdered one of the rebels when he accidently disturbed her sleep for no reason. I had never been outside except from blurry memories, though. I really don't even remember what most of the outside things truly looked like. Of course the Boss had provided me with many books, and my own collective memory from a distant childhood. I still just never could put the direct feeling of the things together.

My door slammed open. I didn't even bother looking. Whoever it was, I really didn't care. Everyone in this place had by long realized that I was harmless until you were idiotic. Just don't bother me for no reason and I won't kill you, "The Boss wants your presence" I let out a heavy sigh and flopped over. Looked the rookie directly in the eyes, "And for what?"

"Uhm I don't- I don't know ma'am" I had never seen this guy here before. He must be quite new.

"Alright. Leave before I kill you" I muttered. He did as he was told immediately, leaving the door wide open. I raised an eyebrow in annoyance, but decided it wasn't even worth it. I lifted myself off the floor, it was stained with so much blood it was hard to distinguish whether the floor was brown or grey. A lot of it was mine, rather than my victim's. I don't prefer flashy deaths that make so much of a mess. I made my way out the door the bumbling idiot forgot to close. Me, being the actual proper organism, closed it behind me. I went on my way through the confusing and twisting paths in this complex. The Boss' office is where I think it was purposely made to be the furthest place from my cell. Just to spite my existence.

The area around me was all the same. Grey, a brown wood door every few turns. The kitchen, leisure area, library, and other general areas all in one busy place. I avoided that place almost as must as I avoid the outside. Luckily, with my knowledge and smarts, I arrived at the Boss' office without seeing anyone. His door was quite different from any other. It had gold and silver and its own entire corridor. I opened the shiny door with no warning. The Boss was behind his desk, a man opposite of him in a lush chair. The Boss looked up, pleased, "Oh why hello Subject" his toothy grin had always disturbed me. All I could think of is when those sharp teeth ripped my flesh off over and over until I almost bled to death. The scars could confirm my fear.

"Boss" I bowed and looked at the stranger. Somehow he gave an even creepier aura. Just about white skin, long black hair. His eyes reminded me of snakes. _He_ reminded me of snakes. He chuckled and looked me up and down. Those eyes. Their golden glow just made me feel as if I were prey. He finally spoke up, "Yes, I believe she will do well. What is her name?"

The Boss shrugged, "I never gave her one. No one has, she's just been a lost cause more or less. Just here because she survived the experiments. We have no use for something lost that we can't find a use for. So I give her to you, Orochimaru-sama" I narrowed my eyes in spite. I hated feeling so useless, I couldn't even remember my _real_ name. Then again part of me just can't find itself to care about such minimal issues. The only real issue here was if I was going to go away with this Snake I was going to have to leave. I was going to have to go outside.

"I'll find a use, come Kagome" He addressed me. Lost. He honestly, truthfully named me fucking _lost girl_. I simply nodded with a scowl on my face. He led me out, "Pleasure doing business with you Sarachi" He and I twisted around hallways. He always kept an extra eye on me the entire time, as if he were absolutely certain I was going to flee. What did he take me for? Some idiot, apparently. My fear can't control my actions. I've been on the verge of death too many times to act ignorantly according to fear.

We got to the grey doors. The ones that were sealed from the outside. I avoided the area even more than people. He opened it. The cold burned at my exposed skin. The only thing I had been able to wear here was a white wrap to cover my chest and white shorts. Only cleaned when I got blood on them. I've spent hours almost close to frostbite in this building, but it never made me used to the splitting pain it caused. I never felt the actual elements on my skin since years. And this, this was far different from a -40°F room. Not exactly anywhere worse. It felt awkward and unnatural when ironically it was me who was just that to the rest of the world. This fact is what led me to pause just outside the door. I have never been out here in so long. Ever. This is what it's like. This is where I am. Outside of my confines. Outside of my 1353 brick room.

A tan cloak draped over my shoulders and I snapped out of my momentary epiphany, "Sarachi has told me that you haven't been exposed to the elements much, you'll get something better than that once we get to where you're going. I don't want to waste my time on a weak little thing that will die in twenty minutes because of simple mountain air" His words irritated me. I wouldn't die, of course, what he said was supposed to undermine me. _He's establishing that he makes the rules,_ "When have they last fed you?"

"44 hours ago. They feed me two pieces of fruit or plants every 48 hours. We won't have to stop for food for me. In 4 hours I will collect Dragon Root. I know it grows in abundance in this climate and we won't get down the mountain for some time" My voice was monotone. I knew this wasn't a normal diet. The first 6 months or so were the hardest, my stomach damn near ate itself and my head spun. But soon my stomach began to prepare itself for its minimal diet and I stopped getting dizzy or sick. The Boss had told me that if I was strength oriented I would have gotten more food, but I was as weak as a twig. I was fast, however. 4'7 and 75 lbs, I could almost break and barely carry anything. However, I was fast. Overwhelmingly so. I only stayed alive my using intelligence and speed. Needles and poisons were my forte. Easily hidden and light. Exactly what I needed.

We didn't talk for the trip down. Exactly four hours later we were at the base of the mountain and I just finished my Dragon Root. I saw a figure in the distance at a bridge after he had been carrying me about 50 minutes. My defenses were automatically raised. Right at the bridge he stopped and set me down. I eyed the man on the bridge, him eying me in return, "Calm down, Kagome, that's Kabuto. He's going to take you the rest of the way. I have more important things to attend to" I turned to protest, but the snake was gone. I cursed and walked towards Kabuto. He looked overwhelmingly annoyed. He _looked_ like a complete ass, "Hello" I greeted as I approached him.

"Shut up or I'll kill you" His words were way too similar to mine. I hated this man. No doubt in the world. Hated, yes hated. I would kill him before he even knew what demon he was messing with. He would burn in hell for the rest of his- he had started walking away. Before I could even finish my thoughts. The nerve on this guy. I grouchily trotted after him for a few more miles' and hours until he broke our silence, "You're way too small, I thought he said you were ten, you look like you're eight. I can practically see each individual rib, they'd be very easy to break"

"They are, they've been broken more times that I can count. They're brittle, but they won't break as long as I'm never hit" I stated blandly while taking in the different sights that opposed the mountains. The grass, trees, and dirt. They sparkled in the glowing light of midday. It looked so much better now than it did when I had left with Orochimaru in the dead night.

"So you work on speed, don't you? And you must not be very powerful in Taijutsu"

"You're right, focusing on it wouldn't be very beneficial to my body type. All it would do is harm more than help if I focused too much on it. My chakra is very stable all while having amazing mass, so ninjutsu and genjutsu are my strong suits. I know enough Taijutsu to be able to defend myself if I got caught, but I'm not very immersed in it. If I was up against someone faster than me that specialized in Taijutsu I wouldn't come out alive" I explained, happy that someone was curious. No one back at the compound cared. Even though each step was an entirely terrifying experience, this place seemed so much better.

"What would you do if you were hit? You'd die, or at least be incapacitated. It would be the end, it's far too big of a weakness for anyone." His face wasn't annoyed or irritated as it was earlier, it was complexed. As if he were trying to figure out a riddle or an intense math problem.

"Yeah" I shrugged.

My nonchalance must have startled him because he paused, "You're not afraid?"

"Not really, so what if I die? So what if I can never move again? I'm a practically useless human being. I have no family, friends, or life. With no motivation it kind of just becomes useless. So if I get hit I get hit and I die and that's it. I have no one to miss me or care and I don't care myself" He seemed so confused as if he couldn't comprehend my thought process, "Listen, you need to people to care about you if you intend to care about life. My mother died giving birth and my father was a drunk and merciless murderer, then he was killed and I was kidnapped, tortured, and experimented on. I was trained to learn that no one cared about me and in return I care about no one or myself:

"That's cynical" Those were the last words he spoke to me most of the trip. The next few days we travelled and it got warmer as we got towards Fire Country. He explained that I was to pose as a contestant in the biannual Chunin exam next year. First, I needed to be registered as an academy student and gain the name as a Genin then enter with my teammates. He didn't explain why he needed me, and frankly, I didn't care. At least it was something to cure the boredom. I thought about maybe just stabbing myself when I got there, so lovely, I know. It was just so hard to live for nothing, even if I had this vague mission to take part in. It didn't seem very fulfilling.

I strayed from those thoughts and took in more of the sights, smells, feelings, and sounds. I heard birds, smelled fresh flowers, saw the wind gently swaying the trees around the path we were on, and I felt the refreshing warmth from the sun. It burned a little bit, but it felt good nonetheless. Kabuto seemed to be in his own space, as he had been for most of the trip. He was so quiet when enveloped in his mind. I liked it. It was as refreshing as all these new things I was experiencing.

Soon enough, I was at the front gates of the biggest place I'd ever seen. It was absolutely terrifying. Kabuto replaced his indifferent expression with one big smile as we approached the two men patrolling the gate. One with his hair brushed over one eye and his hitai-ate on a cap. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at me for a second before greeting Kabuto. The second was a tall one with a bandage over his nose and crazy hair in my opinion. He didn't seem as critical of my presence, but I could feel wary eyes on me, "Izumo-senpai, Kotetsu-senpai. Good Morning" Kabuto's voice was so sickly sweet. This fake bastard, no one suspected him. Yet they seemed overly wary of the 137 cm girl that can barely lift a cup of water. Fascinating.

"Kabuto-kun" The one I presumed was Izumo said, "Who is this?"

Kabuto let out a small, light hearted chuckle and responded, "This is Kagome Tai. And she is the academy's brand new student. I was sent on a simple retrieval mission, my team should have come back a few hours before us. Kagome was found out by Hokage-sama himself"

Izuma glanced at Kotetsu and he went behind the little booth they had and looked at was probably the log for who's been in and out. He nodded, "It checks out. Hokage-sama is expecting a Kagome Tai and Kabuto's team did check in earlier. They're good" Izuma eyed me for second but then smiled and nodded, "Alright, welcome to Konoha, Kagome" Kabuto and I continued on. He was such a dirty player, it bothered me.

"Kagome, your story is almost exactly the same as what actually happened. You were kidnapped by those criminals and trained and tortured brutally all your childhood until the leaf finally busted them. One ninja spoke to The Hokage about you, telling him that you would be a good recruitment for the academy, seeing as you didn't have anywhere to go. My team was sent to retrieve you from the wreckage. Now you're signing up for citizenship and a spot at the academy. Be cute and helpless, it will help sell it and you'll automatically become a favorite" Kabuto was fast in his voice and his speed. He obviously wanted to get this over with. Prick. I was small, but I'd kick his little nerd ass.

Konoha was scary, honestly. It was loud and bright. Almost a direct opposite of my previous position. It was so busy. Everyone seemed to have their own agenda and nothing really distracted them. I really wouldn't fit in, I liked my solitude. This place was also so large. Far bigger than the compound, I was wondering how I would ever know where I'm going. It would be so easy to get lost. I sighed, my feet hurt, my head buzzed, my heart raced. All I wanted to do was stop and rest for a moment. My legs felt like they would give out. My stomach started to churn. I had no idea what was wrong I felt so weak. So sleepy. My thoughts were so clouded.

"…Kagome!" I snapped out of my daze and looked at Kabuto. His face was scornfully. He looked me over and put a hand on my forehead. A sigh escaped from his throat, "Please don't tell me you have a fever. God damn it. Come on we're here, just a few more steps and I'll drop you off with Hokage-sama" I simply nodded as I started to ascend the stairs. With every step my legs felt like lead, why was I feeling so horrible? I suddenly felt myself being lifted. Kabuto had taken me over his shoulder, "You're going too slow" We were up the stairs in a flash, before I could even recognize I had moved. I made eye contact with a surprised receptionist. Kabuto quickly explained his purpose and she waved him towards the office.

He opened the door slowly. The Hokage's wrinkly face peered above a sizable stack of paperwork. I was let down, and not too gently, I might add. It just made my horrible feeling grow. I retched, but nothing came out. Everything was a spinning, blurred mess. My head did that think. It had done it so many times when the Boss had struck me there. I faded out and then just… nothing.

 **Okay I know anyone isn't reading this but kay just leave a review. I'll hand out overwhelming toleration to people who actually read this. You think you're actually getting** _ **rewards.**_ **HA, nupe. Who says I got anything to give you I can't even PM properly. How I'm supposed to actually give you anything, you answer me. Buh-bye people who are bored and really have nothing else to do but read the header and footer.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Word count: 3965**

 **Hey _-_ what up. Imma a lazy butt so I don't post jack shaz on time. Sue me you butts. Anyways, I kinda did way more horrible and I couldn't exactly edit much, spelling should be okay but just give me a shout if "hey ya idiot you the the love of my my life in a sentence you dumbarse!" Tell me if I absolutely suck, I would be honest with you so you better be honest with me ya twerps. Now enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: And oh yeh I don't own anything but my cute little Kagome and the plot line. For the most part. God damn it Elli what do you own? NOTHING.**

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It's awkward waking up where you weren't before. Frightening, actually. Especially a place that didn't know where the god all mighty you were. A single white room. White, white, and I emphasize, white. It was almost driving me mad, the grey, then all kinds of busy, bright, zappy oranges and yellows and almost every color of the rainbow, then white. Pick a color people. Gonna give me a heart attack. My sarcastic drawl and complaining drowned out as the door opened. A man, go figure, with a spiked pony tail and a scar running horizontally across his entire nose and cheeks. He had a warm smile to go with a standard uniform. We each hadn't said a word, my eyes coldly staring into oblivion and his, well they stayed heightened and his lips twitched up just slightly. We didn't know each other. At all. He didn't know me, and probably didn't know why I'm here. Wherever this is. It looked slightly like the infirmary at the compound, but just more clean and it seemed it had actual people in it.

"Hello Kagome-san, I am Iruka. I'll be your sensei effective next week" He sounded kind. I simply let my eyes droop down and sighed heavily. His body landed on the edge of the bed, I opened one eye to see him just sitting there expectantly. His smile hadn't completely disappeared, he was already in the mindset I was one of his students now, but it gotten semi-serious, "Kagome-san, before you join my class we have to discuss a few things" He pulled a file from his jacket and opened it and saw Tai, Kagome scribbled next to a spot I knew a picture would go. I sat up.

"What is that? I haven't even spoken to anyone yet" I was passive aggressive to say the least, I had no idea what information Kabuto or even Orochimaru could have given them about me. What if they knew about the experiments, about me in general? All the combat I had been trained in that broken my bones and scarred my skin. What did they know?

"Well, Kagome-san. You came here with a very intense fever. You passed out and the medical-nin took a look at you. You're in very poor shape. Severely underweight, healing wounds everywhere. They found much evidence of torture and medical experimentation. Those criminals that had you…" his eyes darkest a moment. He seemed so emotional about this. As if I had gone through so much, it was just training. Nothing more. I failed at it and was tossed aside. Iruka calmed himself, "A child so young should never have to go through so much pain. It's sadistic. I almost turned down taking you in as a student, but Kabuto-san's report… I know you really want to continue learning and I intend to give you a proper education"

"Really, it doesn't matter- "

"Kagome-san. What they did to you was wrong. And you know that. The medical-nin reported everything, poisons injected to your bloodstream for immunity, ripped flesh, jagged scars just enough away from an artery. They weren't giving you training at all, they were just torturing you. That's all" I just stared and sighed. My hands went up in defeat, "Alright, Iruka-sensei. I have to be a citizen to join the academy, no?"

"You will be escorted to Hokage-sama after the medical-nin clear you. He will speak with you, look over your file, speak with our council, then they will decide citizenship. If you are granted it, then you will be registered in my class. I will begin teaching you and I suggest that after hours you spend time with me so I can spend extra time to improve your skills. The class is likely to be a little ahead, but that will be fine. I'm sure once we feed you and take care of you right, you'll become a great shinobi" I couldn't understand. What was his game acting as if I mattered? What did he want? My eyes were narrowed, he couldn't be genuine. He seemed to be, but I've seen some wonderful actors in my training.

"Alright, Iruka-sensei. Thank you" I wiped my calculating look and smiled. He leaned over and patted my head, "rest well, Kagome-san. The medical-nin will probably release you soon, you're doing well" He lifted off the pristine sheets. A small gesture and his body was out the door. I was alone. Now, I was often alone at the compound but this felt oddly different. This was strange, nothing to count to ease the loneliness and boredom. No familiar blood rusted stone walls. No overwhelming fear of being called into training under a hollow stomach. No paranoia and no anxiety. It was so odd. This new fear, it wasn't the intensity of mine at the compound, it was just a small raised heartbeat wondering how this place operated, with the guarantee of safety no matter what happened in the next few hours at the very least.

I turned to the side and paid attention to what was going on in the little dirt area outside my window. Children, some with bandages, some with bruises and cuts only. They were kicking a small red ball in some game I couldn't identify. Their smiles of glee made my heart burn. It made my stomach churn, I wanted to vomit whatever was left in my stomach. There was no care. All their injuries were obviously not caused from training. Sprained ankles, skinned knees and elbows, minor burns on one, and a healed broken arm. All of these. They were more so from maybe playing and games, accidents. Not from harm work. Not like the scars that littered my entire body from ruthless torment. Jealousy, I identify. That's what this is. Very ugly of me, but I guess I'm just ugly inside and out.

I simply turned around and ignored their joy. The room was so cold, I was so cold. All the time. Even under the covers. It was like wind just travelled through my small frame. I huddled up with the blankets and foolishly attempted to get a little warmer. I focused my attention at the door. I could sense them. Someone, most likely a guard, was standing still on the other side of the door. They had their chakra masked, but I could feel them as well as I would if I were touching them. No idea what they look like, but it irritated me, them being there. Where in the hell would I go? Honestly. They knew my semi-accurate background. To their knowledge, and more or less to mine. I couldn't _really_ trust Orochimaru. So long story short, I had nothing else to do and nowhere else to go and so now I'm here.

A man and women rushed the door open. Their mouths were covered with a cloth and their hands gloved. The medical-nin. They didn't say a word, just poked and probed me. One laid their hands above a bruised part of my stomach and I could feel the cells start to lighten and heal. A couple of minutes and they both backed up, whispers and small glances back at me. They went out of the room. Almost immediately after a woman wearing standard uniform stepped in, "The Medical-nin have cleared you, I will escort you to Hokage-sama's office at once" My eyes immediately went to her bust, I ashamedly must admit. I sighed and gathered myself, wincing as my feet landed on the ground. My stomach felt like it was going to collapse on its self.

"Okay" I walked side by side with the woman. I blinked. Curves, lots and lots of curves defining her bosom and buttocks. She walked side to side, pretty red hair following her movement. We made our way through twists and turns of Konoha's I guess you could say infirmary. Lots of doors and people rushing around, making sure countless patients were okay, "Ya know, they aren't supposed to let anyone that isn't a citizen here in the hospital. Why would they let you in? You're so tiny" she had such a menacing look compared to when she called me out. I looked her over, she must have been at least a foot taller than me. Maybe more. She was so beautiful and tall and could probably see over the boss's desk. I don't understand why she would be so spiteful towards me.

"Yeah" I shrugged, 'yeah' being my only real response to the venomous remark. She seemed offended. When we got to the front doors she waved to lady at the front desk and opened the glass doors. And then closed them. Right in my face. They quickly opened again and she put on an obviously fake look of concern, "Oh! Kagome-chan, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do that. Come, we'll be late for your meeting with Hokage-sama" I narrowed my eyes and followed her. The same building I had climbed up before wasn't even very far from the hospital. Basically almost attached to the hospital. We started up our journey up to the Hokage's office. I noticed the small glares and sudden stops that made me run into her back. A small comment, _'I'm surprised you're not blowing away in the wind'._ It irked me beyond belief.

I actually really loved these stairs. They were so fun spiraling up every level. At the tip top I spotted the reception area. A new person was behind the desk. A man, his hair all crazy and fringed. He looked up at us, but one look over at missy bitchy panties and he just nodded us through. She smiled and opened the semi-large double doors. I saw the old man once again, he was elbows deep in paperwork when he looked up at us. Missy bitchy panties smiled and giggled, "The medical-nin have cleared her, Hokage-sama. I was told you wanted her immediately?"

"Yes, thank you Fira-chan. You are dismissed" He looked at me with kind eyes and an even kinder smile, "Please Kagome-chan, sit down. I just would like to ask you a few questions" I nodded. The "interview" _(more like interrogation)_ wasn't as personal as I believed to be. He had me take a simple test silence first. Just math questions, some literature, puzzles, even what seemed like games. After I was finished I gave him the heavy clipboard I had been writing on along with the test. He simply put it to the side and then asked me a few questions. _What's your name? Your age? What level of physical skill would you consider yourself to be? How much do you weigh/What's your height? Etc._ I found it to be endearing, almost like a little personality survey. He went on to ask me what I was interested in, in which I drew a blank. He simply shrugged it off at said that was okay. He asked me about social interaction and skills, I had none. He also said this was okay. After those questions he looked me over and stood up.

"That is all, thank you, Kagome-chan. I'll be back momentarily to confirm your citizenship in Konoha" He left me alone in the unversed room. I pulled my legs up to my stomach. I felt sick again. Not as bad as before, but I heard my stomach growl and bite at me. I was legitimately hungry. I tried to position myself to my side carefully and hugged tight. It made the pain go down a small bit. It still made my head a tornado. I coughed, my lungs burned. I needed some food and water. I waited patiently, trying to hold in squeaks every time my stomach panged. I felt this a lot in the compound, but it felt more intense here. Like a mist was traveling through my brain. It seemed like forever until the Hokage opened the door again, holding a paper. The same file Iruka had been carrying with Tai, Kagome scribbled loosely next to a blank square.

He took it to his Maplewood desk and sat down, "Kagome-chan, Konoha's personal council has come to a decision" He rose a red stamp over the file. I almost feared death for a second, obviously Orochimaru would kill me if I were to fail. It landed on the file and my heart sank. I was going, wasn't I? "Kagome Tai, you are now a full-fledged citizen of Konoha. Our members seemed bizarrely over enjoyed to have you in our village" He then muttered something under his breath _especially Danzo._ So Orochimaru has more friends in this village than I thought. I was fixed to get in from the start, it didn't matter what I said. It was good, but slightly infuriating.

"We will provide you with living quarters, all expenses paid until you become Genin status and start earning your own income. You will start in our academy training program in a week, more if your sensei decides you need more time to get accustomed or more training to catch up with his current classes" He smiled and nodded, "It'll be good now, Kagome. You won't have to see those people again, their base is gone." My eyes widened. How could I have not realized it sooner? They destroyed the compound. Just completely gone. I quickly composed myself and nodded.

"Where is my living quarters?" I asked, my voice cracking like the ground in a drought. He seemed to ignore that and responded dismissively, "Fira will take you there" I guess that was my sign to get out. I nodded again, _seems like I've been doing that for so long it feels like there's a damned crook in my neck,_ then bowed and left respectively. The door was infuriatingly heavy and I tried to push it open. It quickly opened, making me topple over. I came at royal purple sandals. I looked up to see the redhead I had loved and missed so dearly. Her boobs were big, as I've said more subtly before, but honestly it seemed comically so at this point. I sighed and raised myself as I listened to her fibbed apology to the Hokage. Thankfully, he didn't seem to be buying it. Or he just didn't really care. He simply cute her off with a semi-rude 'bye'. Fira chuckled nervously and closed the door.

"Look what you did, you insolent little brat! You just made Hokage-sama dislike me" Her eyes pierced daggers in my shoulder. In reality, she was probably aiming for my neck with them. I was way too sick and hungry for her crap and really didn't have time to stop myself, "I'm pretty sure you did that all on your own, with you being such a bitch. You're like 14 and could still get incapacitated by me. Get off your high horse" she didn't retort, just stood shocked. I realized she was very pushy, had anyone ever stood up to her ramblings? I sighed and found myself too tired and in pain to even care.

"You got money, right? I just need a fruit from the market place or I might die of starvation. It'll only be about 350 yen, I'm pretty sure you can afford that" She was quiet, just started walking down the steps with me. I had to trot after her to make sure she didn't leave me behind. We were out in the bustle of dizzying movement before I even realized it. She abruptly stopped at an apple stand. Gave the man around 200 yen and came back with a tasty looking green apple. I bit into it as soon as she gave it. It was gone within… hell, seconds. I bit down on the last on core and sighed happily. The pains dissipated. I looked at Fira, "I'm sorry, Kagome-san… I didn't understand. You ate that like you haven't had anything in weeks, and you look like you haven't eaten in years. I know I might be overstepping my boundaries, but why were you sent here?" her voice seemed much more reserved and serious. Caring.

"I came from a compound about 14 days from here. I went through intense training for years and went through 48 to 72 fasts after every meal I had, which rarely ever passed 400 calories. They killed my family and took me when I was around 2 or 3. Ever since then I had been become nothing more than a doll, I suppose" We were in a part of town that wasn't as busy now, the setting sun illuminating the last of husbands hurrying from work to a home cooked dinner and children picking up their toys at the sound of their mother calling them home. Fira looked saddened, surprised. Then her look hardened again, a glare was sent my way, "Tch! You trying to just pick at my heartstrings for pity? Well you little bitch, it won't work. Your apartment is just around the corner. Find it yourself!" She then stomped off and my eyes followed her until her body left my view. I didn't care.

I went around the corner, the only building above two stories on this street, I suppose would be a good place to check. I opened the door slowly, its hinges squeaked at my ears. I looked around, the place wasn't gross. It was nicely kept and clean, but really dark and unnerving. The only other soul here was a man hunched over his desk, scribbling furiously on a pad of paper. He had square glasses and a brown over coat. He looked like a weird way-too-into-his-job librarian. I stepped once into the room and his neck craned upwards, his eyes wide staring into my soul. I blinked. He blinked. The room probably shorted out on lights while we both blinked.

"I'm uhm Kagome Tai the new tenant" The words felt awkward leaving my mouth. He stared at me longer and made the words even more awkward. His neck stretched forward even more. A small hissing came from his mouth and he whispered, "Room 2072 second floor" He threw a ring with one key on it that I reluctantly caught. I nodded and drug my feet across the floor towards the brown stairwell. I spirited up the stairwell the moment my foot hit the first step. I wandered the hall. 2072, 2072, 2072. Down near the end of the hallway I saw the golden plate with that number on it.

I took out the key and opened the door. It was small, no bigger than 800 or so square feet. It wasn't as dark as the rest of the building. The window at least was big and a small balcony led outside. Of course it was after sundown so I couldn't really judge much. A small kitchen was right to the left of the door, only had a stove, fridge, and sink then a few drawers and cupboards. Not as if I needed much more. Then right off was a small already in place twin bed in the corner. The floor was carpet all around except for a small area of tile near the kitchen. The rest of the apartment was just a door to the left which I could only assume was a bathroom. And that was it. It seemed nice.

I went to the bed and cuddled myself under the covers. The sun was gone behind the mountains and stars roamed the sky. It was calm. The calmness allowed me to assess everything, including the fact that I didn't know what I was doing tomorrow. And how different this was, a mattress. I thought having one was overrated until now when this fluff was luring me into darkness. Today was alright. I need to figure out what the snake wants with me before I decide too much.

It seems someone had called out to some part of hell on my thoughts. Seeming as right before I was finally asleep a knock sounded on the window. I opened my eyes groggily to see Kabuto. Damn it. Damn it all to hell I say. I got up and unlocked the balcony door, he paraded inside, "Well this is nice. The old man really does like you. Good job. But now down to the real business. All we need you to do is study your class and every month I'll meet you and you'll give me files on every one of your peers, and your sensei. Understood?" I was too tired to verbally respond so I just nodded. I felt a burn on my cheek and slammed into the ground. I looked up to see Kabuto's hand raised and a menacing glance, "Respond to me, got it? You're not in charge"

"Yes" I choked out. He nodded and left without a word. I shakily got up and relocked the door. A few steps and I collapsed onto the bed. This time, no one could wake me up from my sleep.

* * *

I woke to a blinding sea of yellow. I squirmed and turned away, wiping my eyes. They opened and I scanned the room. My eyes stopped dead at the figure seemingly enjoying some book on my kitchen floor. God was this place just flame or something? So many moths buzzing around and all, "Who the hell are you" The person barely looked at me and shrugged. This place, this place made me want to jump off a building. These people made me want to jump off a building, "Ya know what? Screw it. Don't care. If you're gonna break into my brand new apartment, do something. Like maybe buy food or clothing to actually put in it" The man looked at me, silver hair shining in the bright morning light. His face was covered by a mask of some animal. I just dismissed it and got up.

His face just followed me to the door. He hadn't moved, "Well? You're here to babysit me, right? In case I do anything shady or whatever? I need clothes and food and I don't have money for clothes and food, so how do we solve this problem? Your own pocket. So get up, let's go" He seemed to comply and put the orange book in his pocket. I opened my door and he followed me out. We went to different stores and he willingly paid for anything I so much as felt interested in. It was… kind. He taught me how to properly pay for my items (successfully without talking at all, amazingly). He showed me foods to help me gain more weight and then healthy foods to regulate myself with once I got to a healthy weight. There were nice styles of clothes for fighting or training when I started that he bought me. I told him of my fascination with chemicals and poisons and he wrote a note with some of the well-known shops that could offer supplies, with a small scribble _I didn't give you this and therefore cannot get in trouble ;)_ it made me chuckle.

I started calling him kitty-tan from his cat-like mask. This seemed to irk him, but he didn't stop me. I liked the man, he was nice. The only odd thing was the villagers seemed to whisper upon seeing him, like he was some kind of news. All I wanted to do was get home and change into the comfortable things I got. Or at least that's what I told myself. I feel it more had to do with getting kitty out of the public eye. I don't know. This entire thing was hard enough to perceive. I just wanted things to slow and me to have endless time in a grey cage again.

* * *

 **I really don't understand the need of a second little thing down here this time but ay. Stay tuned for this crap. I might upload in a week. I might upload in a month. Take it or leave it. Baiiii.**


	3. Chapter 3

**When you're too lazy for a word count or to explain why this was so long in** **waiting** **.-.**

 **Disclaimer: I nu own Naruto kay? Mkay.**

* * *

"No" I stated. Kitty looked at me, I feel like it was a stern one, but I really couldn't tell, "I can't meet him. It's been a week and Iruka-sensei probably expects me to be better and I've barely gained a pound and I'm still weak. So no I can't go" Kitty stood up and shrugged. He started to walk away.

"Hey! Where you your think you're going?" He motioned to the direction of the training area I was supposed to meet Iruka at. I narrowed my eyes. He's going to drag me there, wasn't he? I'm not ready for it. I need to exercise more and build some muscle and… I was scared. What if he was like the Boss? He could break my bones all over and tear my flesh and make me drill complicated ninjutsu over and over until I passed out of chakra deprivation and… I had started crying. I never did in the compound when those things happened, but here? I knew they weren't going to come yet I feared them more than ever. I felt arms around me. I looked up at Kitty. His mask was still as usual, but it looked like it was smiling now. It made me cry harder, crippling my knees over, "Ki… Kitty-tan… What am I gonna do? I don't… I'm scared I'm so scared" He caught me from falling.

Kitty swung me up like he was cradling me. I was about to ask him what he was doing when he started heading to the door. He was taking me to Iruka. I moved to protest, but he tightened his grip _(which was insanely strong)_ and prevented me from moving. He looked down. I could never see his face, but I seemed to always feel his emotions, what he was saying with no words or looks. And he was saying I would be okay, I was safe here. I nodded, and he the same. He continued forward. When we got outside the door, the village was almost silent. It was around 5 am, so that was understandable, but still felt unusual. Kitty didn't let me down at all, not taking the chance I would bolt. I just stayed along for the ride, even when he started sprinting over rooftops. My hair was in a flurry of a blue-ish-green-ish mess. I was surprised Kitty didn't find it distracting, but Kitty was weird.

We seemed to be there in no time. I met eyes with Iruka as we landed in the field. He had an irritated look and tapped his foot, "nice of you to show up" I noted we must be quite a while late. Iruka seemed very, very angry. Kitty set me down and I walked towards the infuriated sensei, my head held down. I crossed my arms and swayed nervously, "I was scared of coming here, but Kitty-tan made me… I was scared you wouldn't be impressed. I haven't gained much weight and I'm still scared to train and I thought you'd be mad at me…" Iruka's eyes softened and he shook his head.

"Kagome-chan, I wouldn't be mad. I didn't plan on doing much physical training for a while. Maybe small exercises, but I know you aren't ready to get back into things yet. I just wanted to talk today, get to know you. I wanted to see what level you were already at. I wouldn't rush you into anything you weren't ready for" I blinked. The tears were coming. Why was I being so weak today? Iruka was just so nice, how could he train me without barking and tearing me apart? He noticed immediately and went into a mini-panic, "W-What's wrong Kagome-chan? Did I do something?"

"No…" My voice was small, I was beginning to think it always was. Just a squeak. My eyes burned as I wiped them with my sleeve. My heart was racing with the feeling of his eyes concentrated on me. I looked up, meeting brown eyes, "It's just I don't know how to train like that. It sounds preposterous, like a fluffy dream a child would have. It sounds like a storybook" He frowned at me. His brows furrowed and he lowered himself down to my level of height. He took on a very serious face and stared me right in the eyes. Right in my heart, or whatever is left of it.

"I will never hurt you like they did. Ever" I nodded. He sat me down and we played a game. Left hand, Right hand, both, repeat. In a cycle. He sang a weird little song _'Pattycake Pattycake, Baker's man. Bake me cake as fast as you can…'_ It was fun, I suppose. Kitty sat there silently watching over us. I couldn't tell what he was feeling, but it seemed to be neutral. Iruka had me do a few exercises, nothing physically challenging, he asked me what my favorite color was. I came to a blank. He told me I could go back to that question later. Then more questions, some of them mimicking the Hokage's when he had interviewed me. The day wasn't very long, it had become an orange glow across the mountains. I looked up at the faces carved into the mountain side.

"They're great aren't they?" Iruka laughed.

"Who are they?" I noticed the third face was the one of the Hokage, so I had assumed such that they were all the previous Hokage of the village. I had a feeling Iruka wanted to personally tell me.

His eyes it up, "Kagome, they are the most important people of this village. The great Hokage of the village. The first face is the one of the First Hokage of Konoha, Hashirama Senju. He had special abilities, certainly one of the most powerful shinobi of all time. The second is, of course, the Second Hokage. He led the village just as well as the previous Hokage. The Third is our current Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi. He's the leader that we all need in bad times. Kind and powerful. The Fourth was the one after Hiruzen…" Iruka abruptly changed his mood. I looked back at Kitty. He was looking away, trying not to listen. Who was this Fourth Hokage? "Minato Namikaze. He died for his village honorably ten years ago. After his death, the Third took over again" An eerie silence had set over us like the sun had. I looked at Kitty. I never saw his face ever, but I could _feel_ him.

"He was important to you, Kitty-tan. Wasn't he?" Kitty swung his head in my direction. I'm not sure what look he was giving me. I don't think it was angry or bad, more just shocked. Iruka blinked and looked to the side at Kitty. Kitty stood up and motioned me to do the same, "Bye Iruka-sensei" I whispered as Kitty grabbed my wrist and started walking briskly. Kitty seemed to be dragging me in a sense, throughout the village. It was once again the time of day where people hurried home and ducked under the afternoon sun. Kitty had a tight grip on my wrist. I jerked back, or at slightest tried to, but he was strong. It at the very least got him to stop. He didn't look at me, just stood there, "You're hurting my wrist, Kitty-tan" He let go immediately and turned around to me. He held up the wrist he'd been holding, the small bony thing was as red as a strawberry. Kitty sighed.

We walked silently until we got to my apartment building. He didn't go in with me, just walked me to the door and then disappeared. I frowned and walked inside, robotically. I waved to the rigid man behind the front desk, he simply stared at me the entire time until I walked into the stairwell. Down the hall. To my door. Unlocked. I had made a mistake, but I really denied it. I didn't do anything. I shouldn't even feel bad, after all, years from now I was going to betray Kitty and Iruka and everyone else in the village. I shouldn't even be affected by Kitty. I shouldn't get close to anyone at all, all it will do is hurt the both of us.

I stared blankly at my wall. I'm not sure for how long, but it was dark by the time I caught up with myself. I zombied into my bathroom. Flipped the light on. The small shower was tucked in the corner, I hadn't used it yet. My clothes fell to the floor, my movements slow. I gazed over to the mirror, looking at myself. My ribs, my hips, my collarbones. They all stuck out immensely. It wasn't normal, I saw the other girls around the village. They were all fit, not skinny. They had muscle and small amounts of fat. Their skin actually felt soft. But for me? My bones, every single one stuck out no matter what I did. I'm hideous. I looked away and pulled the knob on the shower. Cold water splashed on me immediately. I didn't mind. I stepped in fully and then fell. Well, not "fell". More laid down than fell. I wrapped my arms around my legs. Green-blue hair washed over my eyes from freezing water. I closed my eyes so that it wouldn't touch them. I only had a shower once a week at the compound. I could have had it more, but frankly, I was always uncomfortable showering there. I was the only girl so they didn't have separate rooms. The men there were dangerous.

I sat there for a long time until I was too frozen to really move much. Just enough to shift and turn the knob off. I sat there for a few more minutes, only accompanied with a _drip drip drip_ of the faucet. My thought swirled in a flurry. My fear, my sadness, my loneliness. It all coincided, _fear everything, drip, cower in sadness, drip, keep the loneliness, drip._ I shook it all way, picked myself up, left. A towel was hanging beside the shower. I shimmied it over my hair, my body. Took a second to run my hand over each rib, cursing myself silently. I then walked out into the main area of my apartment. Went to a small drawer Kitty had bought me for my petite clothes. Shuffling through, I found a navy spaghetti strap shirt and shorts. I slid white underwear on and then the cami and shorts.

I led myself to my bed. I laid down in a ball. I liked this position, it was safe. I couldn't sleep, something stirred within me so much that my eyes stayed glued open to the window and balcony. I didn't notice when I fell asleep and I'm not really sure when.

My throat hurt. It was dry and I kept having to gulp back saliva, which was entirely irritating. I looked at the sun coming up at my window, I had barely moved from this spot for the last few weeks, only if Iruka called me down to talk about training and do small exercises. I hadn't seen Kitty, but I felt a presence. I didn't think it was him, he probably asked if he could quit his mission. Which all in all was pretty realistic. I had pushed past boundaries, even when my entire fate here was to betray him anyways. I pushed myself up with a long groan. I had to eat at some point. My muscles ached as I dramatically threw them across my bed. I was so done. With Kabuto and Orochimaru and their stupid plans, with Kitty and his drama with the dead Hokage, with my 24-hour surveillance, with life.

I hobbled over to the fridge and poured a glass of milk and turned to grab a small nutrition bar out of my small pantry. Upon opening the door, surprise, it was empty. I groaned. I only got a certain amount of financial aid from the government and my next payment wasn't for at least 2 weeks. Stupid clothes and actual basic needs. I cursed under my breath and sipped from my milk. I groaned again and gulped the rest down, which felt like heaven to my throat. I put the cup in an already filling sink. I walked over to the small dresser, rummaged around for an outfit. A black sweatshirt, black shorts, black everything. That's what my choices were. I slipped on the quite dark and drabbed outfit. Time to go to Iruka and beg for some food and or money. I rapidly opened the front door, ready to put on a show, only to run into a chest.

"Oh hello Kagome-chan" My victim smiled nervously. I blinked slowly. What was he doing here? I shook my head and chuckled, "Hello Iruka-sensei. W-What brings you here?"

"I was actually coming to ask you if you think you would maybe be ready to join my class? I won't grade you on performance just yet, but I do think you're ready to start interactive classes tomorrow." He rubbed the back of his head. It seemed to be a habit of his when in slightly uncomfortable situations or when he was a nervous kind of happy. Expectant. I simply smiled and laughed along with him. I mean what could I say? I couldn't really postpone it anymore, Kabuto had made that very clear his last visit. I subconsciously rubbed a bruised spot on my upper arm. I needed to speed myself up, "Of course, when do I have to be there by?"

"7:00" I stopped in my tracks. No. Nope. Never.

"a.m?" I took a step back. He chuckled and nodded. My eyes narrowed down, my life sucked from me. This, this is hell. I do not want to get up that early. I had just gotten used to not only having 2 to 4 hours of sleep a night and I had no intention of cutting my usual 9 or 10, "Well, I'll see you at the academy tomorrow. I believe I already showed you my classroom, you should know how to get there!" He spoke while speed walking away, not giving me a chance to make further objections. A small hissing sound came from my mouth. I walked back into my apartment and slammed the door behind me. So much for whoring Iruka's soft spot out for food and money. I simply tossed myself on my bed. Still so done.

* * *

The next morning, I begrudgingly hit the alarm going off at exactly 6 a.m. I blinked and rolled over. I wanted more sleep. I almost rolled onto the floor. The rest of getting ready had been zombie mode. Black sweater black shorts, black sandals, black soul. Wait. What. I shook my head as I opened my small fridge, reaching for a drink that wasn't there. I realized the only thing there was a molding slice of packaged cheese. I let out a groan. I was going to die. I slammed it shut and then got a dirty cup from beside the drink, rinsed it out, and then just filled it with tap water. Life of someone who can't afford crap, I suppose. I grabbed the bag full of supplies Kitty had bought me, herbs and harmless chemicals, kunai, shuriken, blank scrolls. I tied it to my waist, making sure to put the pouch to my left. I was out the door.

I was there by 6:15. The door was open, but I didn't hear any noise. I poked my head into what I knew was Iruka's room. I saw him at a desk in the corner, shuffling through paper. The only other kid in the room was a boy who was dressed in as many dark colors as myself. His hands were folded together with his forehead leaning on them. I just kind of cleared my throat, getting both of their attentions. Iruka's eyes immediately brighten, "Kagome! You decided to come today. Very good. Take a seat anywhere, please." I nodded shyly and quickly trotted to the boy. He turned his head slightly to glance at me before putting himself back into his earlier position. He didn't object, so I simply slid in the seat next to him. I tampered with my outfit awkwardly and tried desperately to have feet reach the ground below me. The seat was so high.

He sighed, "You know, he's been calling your name every day. No one knew who you were, just that you never came" He didn't look at me, just kept staring ahead.

"And you're a pretentious dick, aren't you?" his head swung in my direction quickly as if he had never heard such words in his life. He quickly composed himself and turned away, mumbling something I couldn't hear. I didn't care. People started filing in and sitting wherever it seemed, some glanced at me and the kept walking. I heard loud voices down the hall after awhile and turned towards the door. Two girls were instantly yelling and pushing through the doorway. They both looked idiotic to me, shouting airheaded insults at each other, arguing about some _'Sasuke'_ guy. I sighed and suddenly the arguing ceased. I looked to see why and came to the realization that they were death glaring _me._ I looked at them, looked at the guy next to me, back at them. He, he was Sasuke, wasn't he? That's why the brat had acted like he had never been seriously insulted in his life.

I came to a second realization. Every other girl in the room had been giving me the same look, they just hadn't been as loud. _Oh shit._ I slowly slide out of the seat and popped up, no way was I making enemies out of every girl here on my first day. I looked back, accidentally making direct eye contact. I turned away quickly and slid into a back seat next to some boy with a spiked ponytail. He side glanced me and I hunched up, I was suddenly regretting my choices. All of them up to this point. I should have just let myself be killed by the old Boss. Or finished the job on my way here, "Don't worry, he's a douche anyways. I don't see why they're all so into him" The boy next to me sighed. He was leaning back in his chair, arms folded above his head. His eyes were closed in what seemed like serenity. I knew no one, certainly no one here, had any real serenity. He was damn good at faking it, "I'm Shikamaru"

He opened one eye at me. An unexpected rush went through me as I realized he was waiting for my name, "I-I'm Kagome Tai. Nice to meet you Shikamaru-san" He cracked a small smile at me. Had I made him happy? These people were so much more confusing than Kitty or Iruka or even freaking Kabuto. Then, hell came in a bright yellow, blue, and orange blur. The rest of the room went up what seemed like a mixture of and anger, "NARUTO!" I looked to see Iruka shouting at the boy who made a mess out of his desk. Blonde hair and a bright almost neon jumpsuit, and unmistakable smile of pure joy and mischief. And innocence. Somehow, in this god forbidden place, someone had found a way to have pure intentions and innocence. _Naruto._

The bell rung, Iruka yelled, this thing started. The school was a whirl of anxiety and sweat. I moved from place to place, going with different teachers for an hour, coming back to Iruka in between. They all taught different things. Some of which I long already knew, other things I didn't. Some things I knew how to do, but didn't know that they were called that here. Each teacher "introduced" me even though I stayed with the same group all day. More so they welcomed me and stated my name. Naruto was a gem. Or so was my opinion, but it seemed to be no one else's. I never mistook the dangerous glares at him. The snide comments. The pink girl yelling her head off when he made a mistake. Everyone hated him, and for what? He seemed so harmless. He was just energetic, and while not my favorite quality in the world, it definitely was not the worst. He honestly didn't look as "dangerous" as I had heard a few of my peers describe him as.

I leaned towards Shikamaru, whom over the day I had found was my favorite. It was lunch and he had a very delicious looking box thingy full of foods. While I sat her with nothing. His friend, who's name I found was Choji, was way too loud. Shikamaru hadn't noticed me nudging him. I grew immensely impatient, "Shikamaru!" My voice had never been loud. I only had to use it addressing myself and the Boss before. Not much use. However, it seemed to get his attention. He looked back at me. It was as if he could read my mind.

"I'm stupid" He groaned, "You're so skinny, I should have known you wouldn't have anything" Choji looked up from his cooked steak in a box for a second to see Shikamaru handing me his entire box. He laughed and kept on eating. That seemed to be a popular theme with Choji. I took the chopsticks, and slowly put some rice in my mouth. Shikamaru's eyes were fixed on me as if monitoring my actions. I ignored it.

"Where are you from, Kagome-chan?" Choji asked between bites. I blinked, "An experimental training compound" Shikamaru understood. Choji did not. Shikamaru got quiet, into his mind. I know he didn't know exactly what I was talking about, but I knew _"It wasn't good, was it?"_ his lips moved, but no sound came out. I shook my head. It wasn't. I nodded and I finished off his rice, but left the meat. It would most likely disturb my stomach anyways. I put it in his lap and he looked at me with a confused expression.

"The meat would hurt my stomach, I've never had meat before. It might make me sick" I shrugged.

"Oh. Okay"

Silence. I looked up at at the sun, "Lunch is almost over, right? What's after?"

"Taijutsu Practice with Mamoru-sensei" Shikamaru took some of the steaks on his plate. Choji added something _mean-super-merphpmerph_ not sure what that was, but I assume it was something describing the sensei. Super mean? Boy, that would be exciting. I groaned, "It has to be Taijutsu, huh?"

"Yeah, it's not that hard" Shikamaru shrugged, "Choji's really good at Taijutsu. I'm not one who could brag, but I'm also pretty good. I'm sure you'll be fine"

Ten minutes later and I'm being yelled at by a 6'5 man in a muscle shirt and military pants. I am weak, I'm not sure why this came as a surprise to anyone. I couldn't punch hard enough to even make the punching bag move, and this apparently frustrates Mamoru-sensei.

"Come on Tai! Push it! Not letting you go until you can move it!" I grunted, punching with all my force. I felt something crack in my hand. I let out a shriek when the sharp pain spread throughout my body. I heard shouting, it was Naruto. I wasn't listening through, tears were pricking my eyes. My hand was broken again. People were shouting all around me, but I wasn't thinking clearly.

 _I didn't know where he was. That, that was dangerous. I didn't like this new training room. Too much foliage for him to blend into. I took a sip through the water canteen that was provided, the only thing he gave me._

It wasn't even hurting bad anymore, but I was crying a lot. I don't know why.

 _I felt him behind me. I threw a needle laced in Botulinum. I didn't hear screaming. He wasn't hit, "Shit". It was too dark to see._

" _Subject, I'm so disappointed in you. Have you honestly gotten so weak?" He almost caught my entire body, but my reflexes were too fast. He caught my wrist. He squeezed it, I could feel each crack in the bone. Every fracture sent a searing feeling up my spine. I screamed on the top of my lungs. He yelled for me to shut up and slammed me against the tree. Everything else broke. I shook with pain until everything went black._

I stopped feeling it. I heard Iruka burst into the room, he started yelling at Mamoru-sensei. I heard Naruto shouting how even he knew I wasn't ready and shouldn't have done it. Someone had wrapped their arms around me.

"Stop it! Everyone just shut up!" I couldn't get the memory out of my head. I needed to distract myself, it was starting to make me shake more than the pain. The room surprisingly hushed over, "I'm fine. It doesn't matter. I just need it healed I'll be fine. Everyone just stop."

I wasn't allowed to go to Taijutsu again until Iruka approved, orders directly from the Hokage. Until then, I would stay with Iruka and we would go over missed lessons to catch me up. I couldn't stop thinking about that memory. It had never felt special before. It was blurred. Why did it make me feel so scared now? When it happened, it felt like every day, now it felt as if it was an intense nightmare trying to swallow me. I was in my bed now, my hand was bandaged, healed almost completely. The medical-nin had said I fractured almost all of my knuckles. I closed my eyes. The anbu (as I had learned what they were called from Iruka) was gone, but Kabuto was on the other side of my glass door balcony. I mouthed that the door was unlocked.

He pushed through and walked to the foot of my bed "So I see you hurt your hand" He obviously didn't care, "I need those reports on your peers. Especially the Uchiha" The files I had completed with my other hand were on the table beside my bed. I nodded to them. He opened it and quickly flipped through them, "Good"

I thought he was going to just leave, but he sat down. His hand slid through my hair. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach and my heart started beating quickly. I gulped. His hand reached the end of the strand he had and it fell. He seemed to reflect and then stood up "Keep it up and I won't hit you as hard next time. Do even better and I'll take you under my wing. Maybe you'll actually be able to heal your own hand then"

He was gone. I watched the door for awhile. My throat felt scratchy. It felt wrong. This was all wrong. Maybe, I was just wrong. Maybe I'm just not supposed to be here…

* * *

 **So uhm yeh there we go. Lil longer than usual 030 That's what you get for me procrastinating.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Helllllo long time no see.**

 **So I know I haven't updated in awhile, so here's a treat, 7024 words! I was gonna split this into a few chapters, but I feel like you waited long enough.**

 **BIG WARNING**

 **!**

 **LISTEN PEOPLE WHO SKIP OVER THIS**

 **DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?**

 **Good. So there is some MAJOR shit that happens and a _very_ explicit part that will be marked as a sex scene, or more accurately rape scene. There will be lots of dark themes, such as suicide and self-harm or murder. Read at your own risk and if it triggers you I DO NOT blame you for leaving. This is a big warning, please heed it.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my character and the plot. I own none of Naruto's characters or original plotline**

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I never saw Kitty. I had looked hard, but despite my attempts I just couldn't find him. I once double looked a man standing slouched beside a poll by a restaurant. His silver hair reflected the light just the way Kitty's had. We had made eye contact, it felt so weird. I had swiped the assumption that it was Kitty, he constantly had his mask. Plus, the outfit the man was wearing was standard Shinobi Gear with the army green vest and navy shirt and pants. But other than that, I was almost certain that I would never see him again. Parts of me just didn't care, and other parts of me clawed at me about it, yelling at about how much of an idiot I was for not doing something to prevent him from leaving me.

"It was only like a week," I whispered as I kicked a rock, "I shouldn't be so caught up in someone I only knew for a week. I just need to focus on Kabuto and Orochimaru and their wishes. They're the bosses now, they're the threat to my life now. I don't have time for this." The sun had gone down and no one was out and about. I had gained the habit of only really coming outside during night besides school. The academy was the only place I went during the day. I slept the rest and then hopped around at night just after all of the shops had begun to close up. Today had just seemed different.

Someone was watching me. I acted normally, just walking about as I'd done many nights previously. I focused on their chakra, but something sharp cut me off. It shot up my body and I shuddered, swinging back, "Who's there?" my voice echoed, "I know you're there."

Footsteps echoed and I looked behind me. I narrowed my eyes, "What do _you_ want?" Kabuto smirked and pushed up his glasses, "Oh why are you so mad at me? Was our last little meet a little much for you? All I did was kick you around a little."

I growled, "You stabbed me. Then kicked me around and threw me around. And then healed me only to do it over again. I'm not on the best of terms with you." He laughed, a demented look had taken up his being, "Kagome, Kagome. Get the fuck over it. We have a mission we have to finish by sunrise. We don't even have to go out of the village. Come." I contemplated disobeying, but visions of the old boss mixed in with Kabuto's new forms of torture made my legs walk in unison with his. I remember my slight fear of the outside, and it seems so stupid now. Kabuto, Orochimaru, they have shown me what true fear can be and I really didn't like it.

"There is an old couple in the outskirts of town," He said and made my heart drop, "They're retired shinobi and have been sniffing around areas they shouldn't. Old instincts I guess. It'll be easy to strike them down." I was shaking while running along rooftops. An old couple… I would be the one to have their blood on my hands. I had never killed anyone, in all reality. I had severely injured people, but I never looked into dead eyes.

I did tonight. Kabuto had waited outside, saying that if I didn't do it by myself he would kill me. They were both sleeping, I had killed the wife first, a quick jab to the neck. She had screamed, alerting the husband. She was dead quickly and I was covered in her blood. It didn't take the husband short of a second to realize what had happened. He was harder to finish. I had to duck away from his mass, ricochet off the back wall, and his reflexes obviously weren't what they used to be. My kunai pierced his heart. His blood joined his wife's all over me. I looked at my hands, completely red. My eyes moved towards his. My luck was that he wasn't completely dead yet. He was trying to move towards me, but I simply got out another kunai and stuck it in the C-2 vertebrae. He went rigid. The only thing moving were his panicking eyes.

Watching such a phenomenon, such as the life drain from someone, was awkward. I could hear his gasps and I could see his muscles convulsing, trying to break the paralysis, "It won't work," I responded to his movements. He went completely and deathly still, but his eyes hadn't lost their life yet, "I got your C-2 vertebrae. It can inhibit speech and it can cause paralysis in the arms and legs and… well, you're the one feeling it, or in better terms _not_ feeling it."

Then it happened. They glazed over. It was over. Hate, I decided, was the last emotion that man had felt in his life, "What a waste. Living for so long only to feel hate in your last moments." I surveyed the room over one last time, the wife still in her bed. If her blood wasn't sprayed over the walls and the bed I would have an impression that she was sleeping. I walked out of the hut, locking eyes with Kabuto. He was smiling and walked towards me, "Good job. You did better than expected. Now clean up, you have school tomorrow," I nodded.

The shower was freezing, and only now was I realizing the weight. I watched the red fall through the drain slowly, swirling around the metal until it drips into the pipes. Like their lives, it just flooded away. Useless. I started to rub my hands. At first softly, just to get the blood out from my fingernails, but then I swear more blood had appeared _everywhere._ I tried to rub it away a little harder, but it seemed so stuck there. Then I tried vigorously. Until my hands were numb and stinging at the same time. Tears sprouted from my eyes.

 _WHY WOULDN'T IT GO._

The blood. The blood wouldn't get washed away, the drain was now just showing a simple yellowish red tint rather than the bright red. IT WASN'T GOING AWAY. I let out a small squeak, helplessly so. I closed my eyes and curled up. When I finally opened them, my hands were clear. Just a bit red from the endless scrubbing I had inflicted on them. I gulped and watched the clear water flow into the drain. Was I clean? How long… How long had I been in here? I stood up shakily and turned off the water. My hair dripped water down my back. I crossed arms over myself, stepped out and wrapped myself in a fluffy towel.

Iruka was talking about battle techniques today. Lethal attacks. I already knew a lot about lethal attacks. I decided that I was sick today, so I shouldn't participate. Iruka looked at me with sympathy. He called me up and placed his hand on my forehead. Iruka's eyes became saucers, "What made you think you should come to school burning up like this?" his voice echoed on closed ears. I barely listened to him as he pushed me out of the room and sent me home. I curled up to myself and cried as soon as my body was in the apartment, soon enough going to the bathroom with the blood miraculously there again. It felt like hours passed, rubbing my numbing hands in the sink before I heard a ring at my door. The tears clouding in my eyes were wiped away as I went to answer it. Shikamaru, Choji, and Kiba were at my door. A basket of flowers and some kind of food in each hand, "Uhm… Kagome? We know you had to go home sick today and we were just visiting making sure you felt better," Shikamaru rubbed the back of this head, embarrassed.

"Wow. You really do look bad," Kiba laughed and Shikamaru punched him, "I mean, you look like really sick and you should get more rest." I nodded and walked out of the doorway. The three boys filed in and took a glance around, "Well this is…" Shikamaru started.

I finished, "Crappy and small," he chuckled nervously. I realized I'm supposed to be sick, well physically. I headed to my bed to lay down, throwing in a few hefty coughs and drooping my eyes a bit. They all sat down next to me, then hurriedly separated their little gifts, "So uhm we brought some chocolates and sweets- we weren't sure what you'd want. Then we brought a few fruits cause you eat those whenever you eat at lunch and everything. Then some soup for your throat and some medicine and we got flowers from Yamanaka's shop. Naruto really wanted to get you some ramen but for some reason, he didn't meet up with us and… yeah. I hope you like it."

I looked at all the goodies and things they got me. They were so sweet to the traitor. _I'll be breaking their hearts some day. The Chunin exam. Then they'll know who I really am and regret all of this kindness._ My heart clenched at my thought, even physically making my heart hurt. I put my hand to my chest in reaction and Kiba immediately caught on and laid me down fully, "If anything hurts you have to tell us, got it? We're not only here to be handsome." Akamaru barked along with his statement, "Or fierce little cuties" I nodded and cleared my throat.

Shikamaru's eyes lit up, "here," a water bottle found itself at my lips and Choji's hands the back of my neck while Shikamaru poured the cool liquid down. After I had gulped a few times he tipped back and Choji withdrew. They smiled at me warmly and I gave a half-hearted one back. Of course, they would be so kind enough to do all of this for me. My guilt only grew. My eyes dropped closed. I hadn't slept during the day as much I usually do, "Okay yeah, you should go to sleep for a little and we'll watch and make sure you're alright" I nodded and felt myself drifting.

My serenity was interrupted by small nudges. I woke to see my three peers, "You never told anyone you were struggling with food…" They must have looked through my almost empty kitchen. I groggily turned the other direction, away from their pitying eyes. God, they kill me. They were yelling at me to respond but I wasn't really listening, I didn't have the energy. I felt hands grab me, but I tried to ignore them as they shook my body back and fourth. I felt an abrupt sting on my face and looked up to see Kiba's hand recoiled. I blinked. He hit me. His face lit up and he looked at his hand, back at me, his hand. The entire situation had a kind of humor.

"I-I'm sorry!"He shouted immediately after, "Shit!" I simply blinked again. I didn't care, they all seemed to be in much more peril than myself.

"It's alright Kiba, I don't care. And I don't need your help, I can do things on my own." I sighed and tried to calm their worrying, but my statement only seemed to worry them more. What could I even do? I was starting to understand one of the comments Kabuto had made on one of our "training days". About how people were just troublesome and shouldn't be dealt with too much. Apparently, all I needed was their blood on my hands anyways. I had no need for friends or relationships. For the most part, seems like he was right. All relationships had done for me so far was cause problems.

"Kagome, all three of us are apart of big clans. We have more than enough to help you out. No wonder you're skin and bones, you've been starving" Kiba, Shikamaru, and Choji said different areas of the same thing. But I looked down at my wrists, which my bones were protruding out of. I always gazed in the mirror every time I took a shower. I always looked at my hipbones and ribs that were oh so ugly and poking out, "For your information, I was starving before I got here, I'm actually having more." This wasn't a lie and the only defense I had without making one up.

They all looked at me with the same face. The face that told me they weren't buying my BS.I sighed, Choji did something I never thought I'd see him do. He set down his chips, the ones he always seemed to be snacking on. He brushed them over to me, "Have 'em I got more" I looked at him thankfully. Even though there was no way in ever living hell I was going to put that much sodium in my body. I may be way too underweight, but no way was I going to make myself fat. I politely laughed and moved them over. And of course, in the best timing possible, my stomach growled, "Well, it's decided. We are going out to eat." Kiba exclaimed quite loudly.

"But I'm sick." He had one foot raised up in excitement but it fell back at my comment. He looked deflated, "Crap…" I shrugged, he frowned. I always wondered why people bothered, I had started wondering why I bothered with survival. My times in the compound were hell. Somehow they seemed to be growing more and more fond. _No people to deceive. No friends or life. I just had to fight and feel pain. Now I do both with so much added weight. Why can't I just go back? Why did Orochimaru and Kabuto have to damn me here?_

I could just let them kill me, Orochimaru and Kabuto. If I simply disobeyed. In my muses, the boys had calmed down and Choji had been sent out to go on a food shopping spree. I had this silly need for self-preservation, I had continued my reasoning. I personally feel nothing at all for that many things, but I guess it's just natural instinct. Even though I want to die I still walk around for no reason. It was immensely frustrating because I just couldn't get myself to die. I thought about just slitting my wrists with the kunai, I've had it resting there. But I would always pull away after an amount of time had passed. I was fearful of it for some reason. I cursed my natural instinct.

I had been speaking, I realized when Shikamaru and Kiba were both staring at me incredulously, "Fuck" that's all I could really say to the situation. I blinked at the two boys and chuckled, "So that wasn't really anything. I'm just upset. That's all" Suddenly, I was warm under a mass of bodies. I wasn't sure when Choji came back, or when I fell asleep or much of what happened after that. I remember feeling a wetness on my shirt, I wasn't sure if it was Shikamaru or Kiba who cried, but someone did. I woke up in the morning and the boys were gone. A small note was left beside my bed.

 _There is food in the kitchen, we had to go home. See you at school tomorrow_

 _-Shikamaru, Kiba, and Choji_

I smiled and laughed. Those boys… I stood up and walked to the kitchen. It was filled. Bread, fruits, vegetables, even some candies. There were some chips that I suspected were a special treat from Choji.

"Stop!" I screamed in the forest. I was bleeding out, my head was spinning. All I heard was his menacing laughter, "Why couldn't you have just killed me and damned me to hell? I want to die you sick little shit!" I said this Kabuto often now. He now stopped doing lethal blows in training, since I wouldn't even flinch, I would wish for the blows to connect. Now he was just toying with my life, hanging me just above my goal of death. Like now, when I couldn't move from all my nerves being temporarily numbed. Along with my numbed limbs being covered with cuts. I couldn't feel them, but I knew the liquid was running all down me.

"Oh? Say again?" He was laying next to me, lazily cutting thin little scratches on my arm. I growled, tears ran down my face. He knew all I wanted was to finally die, "You demented fucking bastard" He started to laugh manically and suddenly stabbed me in the shoulder. I only felt it a little, but I did feel it. I left out a small squeak.

"Oh don't worry, I'll heal that one, but I don't know. Should I _really_ heal they other ones?" He started running the blade over parts of my semi-exposed chest. The numbing was starting to wear off and I started to feel the splitting skin. I made little grunts and started to regain my bodily control. I rocked from side to side and rapidly Kabuto had my body pinned down. I couldn't make a sound now, with the constricting feeling. My entire body was starting to spasm, trying to re-claim its breath. My arms went to the hands around my neck, desperately attempting to unclasp them. As soon as my vision was starting to black around the edges and fade out, my captor released and I took a deep breath.

"Well, I think we need to be treated" The sadistic bastard, he started tenderly treating all the previous wounds, "Now, I can't fix the bruise around your neck, but I'm sure you'll think of an excuse for it" I could feel the rest of my flesh pull together, erasing each of my injuries. The stings ended up fading and my chest heaved.

"See? You're fine" Kabuto helped me sit up. I growled and struggled to happen upon balance on my legs. Tears spilled from my eyes and I let out a shriek of frustration. He knew he knew he knew he knew he knew he _knew._ I'll take him to hell with me some day, he'd rot with my name as the one who put him down. Hell, if that didn't happen hopefully he'd _fucking kill me_ in the process, "Gome-chan~ You have a "mission" for us again. There's a village about 2 hours away from here. Your target is Yugata Choi. I'll slip the details under your door later, finish the job in two days, I don't want to wait longer than that"

I feel like he didn't understand that I was serious about wanting to die because I always obeyed. If I had wanted to die I would have gone against the grain, and if that's what he wanted, that is what he'd get. Then maybe I could die and I could end this and I wouldn't have to feel anymore. I just didn't want to feel. I wanted to be as numb as I am inside already. I had an appointment with a medical-nin tomorrow anyways, so I wasn't going to be able to do it then anyway. Yugata Choi, you better count your blessings. Just because I'm not killing you now doesn't mean I'm the only one assigned to you. Anyhow, you get to live another day. Kabuto, you can go fuck yourself. Everyone in the damn village can, in fact. I wasn't going to be a lapdog anymore. I stuck a kunai harshly into the grass, giving Kabuto an early signal of my defiance. If Kabuto didn't kill me because of this, I was going to try and kill him the daybreak after the second day.

I counted my time carefully in the hospital room, waiting a tremendous amount of time for the medical-nin to get back to me with her reports. I could feel eyes on me, the matter of who's they were was my only concerned. I usually carry out my missions immediately, maybe Kabuto is suspecting my viva la revolution. I mused, watching the birds chirp and the children play. I didn't even hear the door open. I came to attention when a stern-looking female nurse cleared her throat. She had a clipboard next to her and raised it when I came to attention, "Tai-san, you haven't seemed to been improving. I would go as far to say that you were plummeting in progress. Current BMI is 16.3 for 4'5 ft and 29.4 kg. This is far, far past the line of unhealthy. Have you been eating?"

"Yes, technically" I replied blandly.

"Technically?" She raised an eyebrow and jotted something down, "explain?"

"I've been eating at least every other day, but the question is if it'll stay down or not. Not like I'm trying to throw up, it just happens every so often" I hate people. I hate this nurse. I hate this room. I hate my parents and my friends and I hate kitty and… and… I want to cry for all the hate I carry. I wasn't listening to the medical-nin babbling on about my condition until I heard the words, _"forced expulsion from the academy"_ I froze. I'm not sure why exactly my heart sank because this was the opportunity I was looking for. If I got booted from the academy then I was over. Kabuto would have no other choice but to kill me once and for all. I would be useless and a failure and he would strike me down and my pain would finally cease. But. A tiny, tiny voice whispering in my head, it said _I don't want to be expelled._

"Fine! Fine!" I couldn't stop myself from uttering the words, "I'll try my hardest to gain some weight. Please don't expel me" she looked at me warily, sizing up my frame. Which the more people commented on it, the more I realized was close to not even being much more than a skeleton. She nodded and my mood enlightened for a moment. I felt the eyes that were previously stalking me leave, obviously satisfied with whatever they heard. I sighed as I checked myself out, anxiety, it was starting to consume me. The man on the other side of the counter handed me three bottles. Vitamin supplements, something I couldn't even pronounce, and anti-depressants. I almost laughed. This was rich.

I don't understand the need to care so much, I wanted to die anyways. That was the purpose for the end of tomorrow anyways. In the crowded streets, I pushed past people, trying not to fall over. Ever since the medical-nin brought it to my attention I had started to realize that I really was hungry. My stomach growled as my head went dizzy. The busy rush of people zipping around me gave no alleviation to my condition. I felt very, very sick. I, out of practically nowhere, heard my name, "Kagome-chan!" I was picked up off my feet and put on someone's back. I didn't care in the slightest. All I saw was something orange barraging in my face. I was taken into one of the side vendors where it was at the very slightest a little quieter and very much less busy.

I cracked my eyes open. Of course, the knucklehead. Not really sure why I didn't connect the bright damned orange in my face with him. He started to ramble on like he did every time in the few conversations I'd upheld with him. I answered distastefully to _'what was wrong?' 'Are you okay?' 'Do you want some ramen'._ He went quiet as he assessed me. I could tell he obviously didn't buy my story that I was just fine, just a little woozy. He led me to sit down, my body simply following him, too limp to refuse. He yelled at whoever was behind the counter to just get me something to eat and drink. A few moments later, he put a cup to my lips. I brought my hand around it and manually tipped it back. The cool water soothed me a little and cleared my aching head slightly.

Soon a warm bowl of soup was set in front of me and I gulped it down savagely. As if it was the last food I'd ever get. My head felt much better. I finally became aware of my surroundings, including the hyperactive ninja next to me. He looked at me in a worried manner. I simply glared at him, "I don't need your help, Naruto-san." He took on a rejected look for a moment but hardened it quickly. He must have heard those words thousands of times, the poor boy. My guilt got the best of me and I added to my previous words, "I'm prideful, you know? Can't have anyone seeing someone dragging me around all weak and stuff now, can I?" He instantly perked up at my words, jumbling on about how no one would be ashamed of me getting help from the future Hokage. I laughed for a second. He was nice, but another person to put on a fake face for. I just want to die, even if I'm exposed as a dirty spy and everyone that has accepted me now will hate my very name.

Naruto was just another motivation for my end goal. A large one, I realized as we spoke for a few hours. He was bright and surprisingly smart for the credit he was given. His dreams reached so far that it made me feel sick to my stomach. He was so _sure_ of his future and his life, so sure he was going to be the greatest there ever was. What was I sure of? Sure that I wanted to die? Sure that I've killed innocent people mercilessly? Tomorrow was the day. The day Kabuto was going to kill me and I'd be free. The shinobi would find my body mangled and torn, then figure out my affiliations with Orochimaru. I will be a damned child, one none of them will miss. I'll be one big regret for Iruka, Kitty, The Hokage, Naruto, and anyone else I've communicated with. Naruto must have noticed me spacing out, "Hey! Gome-chan! What's up? Are you even listening?"

The nickname made me stiffen. _Gome-chan~._ Kabuto's haunting voice made my body involuntarily shudder. I brushed away the feeling and smiled coy at the blond, "Heh, yeah, Naru-kun. I'm just thinking about things, it's hard for me to focus" Speaking of hard to focus, I just then noticed the pile of bowls on the table, that could rival my own height, compared to my half-full one. I let out a huff, "I think I'm gonna go. Tab?" I shouted, not fully comprehending the flabbergasted look on the boy's face after I had called him Naru. The old man came up, handing me the paper with the price for my night out. I cried. 18,906 yen. I didn't even get that in one month, nevermind had that kind of money lying around. A hand came from behind me, taking the bill. I looked back to see the one and only Iruka-sensei. His light smile was directed at me brightly.

"I see Naruto-san has tricked you into paying for his ramen feast, don't worry I'll pay for you." I side glanced at the brat, his mouth contorted in a wide grin. His hand was rubbing the back of his head, making his goggles sway. I gave him the death stare and stood up, brushing myself off. I thanked Naruto quickly and rushed out into the golden streets, busy with citizens and vendors. The sun was setting again. I cursed myself for not taking my usual nap during the day. I doubted I was going to get much sleep anyways. I ran home quickly. I passed crazy-land-lord-man and jotted up my stairs quickly. When I got to my door, something was odd. It was _open._ I pushed it softly, unsure if the perpetrator was still occupying my residence. A thought came to me. Maybe it was Kabuto, maybe he anticipated my arrival and was here to kill me. I shuddered and took a look around.

There were no chakra signatures and I didn't feel anyone's presence there. It was just as empty as normal. Except for the small pop of yellow on my bed. I walked towards it cautiously. It was a stuffed star. A plush yellow star with little, sewn eyes and a small folded paper on top. It had a _K_ printed neatly on top of it. I immediately thought of Kabuto, but quickly dismissed that. He wouldn't leave me this. I unfolded the paper and perfect, small, and neat letters covered the paper. I knew who it was, tears grew from my eyes.

 _Kagome,_

 _My leaving was in no way affected by you, I simply have been moved on to different things. It wasn't good things were left on the note they were, but it's what happened. I hold no resentment towards you, though I doubt you'll ever see me again. Here is a small gift to ease your nerves._

 _Akane (aka Kitty)_

I laughed and wiped the tears from my eyes. I approached the plush star and picked it up. I cuddled it, falling freely on my bed. Thank you, Kitty. I was going to die, knowing that at least while I was alive Kitty loved me and wouldn't know I was so horrible, "What did I do, Kitty-tan, to deserve you? One person to have pure memories of my life." I curled, my eyes closing in on themselves. Perhaps, I should sleep tonight. I had to go to class tomorrow anyways. It's been awhile since I've slept for more than 2 hours at a time, "Thank you, Kitty-tan" My voice whispered as my head faded into absolute darkness.

The morning came all too quickly. I was woken by an irritating screech of pigeons being scared off from something. My eyes could hardly adjust to the blaring sunlight from her window. Wait. Sunlight? School starts at exactly 7:00, and that was before sunrise this time of year. I jumped up, trying to find a clock to tell me the time. I looked at my stove, it telling _9:48_ am. I let out a small squeak and scrambled around my room, trying to gather my stuff for the day. I turned around sporadically after gathering my clothes, but bumped into something and sent the clothes flying and fluttering all around me. I grunted from the pain of falling to the floor, wincing and closing my eyes. I looked up to see what I bumped into. I wish I hadn't. I could see the glare of his glasses, killing intent radiating around him.

"K-Kabuto-sama-" I was cut off by a kick to my stomach. A small smile etched on my face. I was… I was going to die. It was going to happen and I was going to be released from this hell on earth, though I was sure I would just be greeted with hell in the afterlife. My body lifelessly slid across the floor. He quickly followed me up, taking a fistful of my hair and lifting my body up. I winced as I felt the tugging at my scalp, "So I suppose you don't intend to finish your mission by tonight? I was counting on it, Gome-chan." I let out a laugh that echoed across the plain walls. He threw me back across the apartment, I landed on the bed. While the mattress braced my landing, I still felt the pain from the impact.

"I'm sure you were planning on me killing you for your little stunt. Good job, Gome-chan. I really didn't believe you when you screamed for death so many times, but you really _are_ suicidal. You took it so far, just under you hanging yourself up with a noose." I smiled, not caring about him climbing on top of me. He was probably going to stab me, "But what punishment would it be to give you what you want? Plus, you would have been a waste of my time if I killed you" My eyes shot open and fear crept into every inch of me. I rapidly realized my situation and how he was positioned on top of me so that I couldn't move. I started to wiggle, trying to get free. Even though I know there really is no use.

A slap prompts me still and I focus on him intensely. He emotionlessly stared down at me, "Gome-chan, I'm sorry things are coming to this, but I can't have you going against us. There's one thing I haven't done to you yet and it truly pains me to do so, but you leave me no choice." That sentence sent a chill down my spine. Something bad, he was going to do something bad to me. I felt a hand slide down my side. I wanted to get out of here desperately. More tears pricked my eyes, whatever he was going to do, I begged him not to.

 ****WARNING THIS IS WHERE THINGS GET BAD** SKIP OVER THIS PART IF SEXUAL CONTENT IS NOT FOR YOU ** see you afterward, by the way, I'm going to hate myself for this but it has to happen ** THIS IS MINOR/ADULT RAPE AND DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU DO NOT APPROVE/WANT TO READ ** THIS WILL NOT BE NICE ****

All had on was a tank top and shorts, which made it easy. I screamed when he cut the straps of my shirt. I used my arms, flailing them, trying to hit him somewhere it would hurt. He groaned and reached into his pack with some rope. Despite my struggle, he managed to get both my wrists tied together, got an extra kunai, and then pinned the rope to my wall. He collected his original kunai and started to cut through most of my clothing. I didn't even care that he was seeing me, all I wanted was to get away. I started to violently kick and buck. With one lucky kick up, I got him off my waist. I tried to think quickly on my next course of action. It was too late.

My leg erupted in pain and I screamed. I started to wonder how no one could hear me. I looked down to see the kunai embedded in my leg. It wasn't in anywhere that would cause permanent damage, but we both knew I wouldn't be able to get very far with such an injury in my leg. I relaxed, giving up most of my will, trying to emotionally prepare myself for what was about to happen. I felt a soft touch, contrary to how he had previously been treating me. I gulped. It felt like a snake slithering over my skin. Fear rose again when he descended on me, "Remember, Gome-chan, you forced me to do this. This is _your_ fault I'm doing this." I whimpered from his warm breath on my ear. My eyes were shut so tight, but when I felt a hand rounding my hip, they shot open along with me screaming no. I wiggled my legs but stopped when the wound sent a throbbing pain my way.

I felt his hand on my private area. I had never been explained in detail what it was or what it was really used for other than urinating and such. When he touched there and a wave of… something went over me, I supposed I was about to find out. A finger entered me and I screamed from the pain. This was excruciating. I felt him withdraw quickly and slap me. I whimpered and suddenly felt something else. I opened my eyes and ventured my vision downwards. I started to shake at the sight of him. That's… what he has under there? Is that was other boys had? My mind, in trying to process the entire situation, realized what he intended to do. If he stuck his finger… oh no. No no no no. I cried and cried the words, ignoring the stab.

He pushed me into the bed and pushed forward. I was being cut in half, my entire body was ablaze. I went to a special place in my head when he started moving. To block out the pain. Anything anyone had ever done to me before, it had never been so bad. I only distantly felt myself being swayed back and forth, each time I went back sent a new wave of pain, "P-Please" I managed to choke out, away from the pain. It was starting to hurt more, the more he did it. I knew I was bleeding and I thinking that was the only thing allowing him to move with the amount of ease he had been. Now that the blood was soaking up, he didn't have anything to lubricate.

I felt a small lick on my nipple. A weird ripple ran through me and I let out a small noise unintentionally. My cheeks immediately ran red and I didn't know why. He licked more until he was actually sucking. I let out more noises, still not really fully understanding. He seemed to be able to move easier with each lick. He took a hand and twisted my other nipple. I bucked up and moaned, as I recognized that's what I've been doing. _This isn't… supposed to feel like this. This was hurting not more than a few minutes ago and now-_ Kabuto thrusted up again, this time it felt so much different than pure pain. I gasped and shuddered. Why? What is this? Please stop, "P-Please stop… No…" That seemed to just make him go faster, and the more speed he built up the more I was starting to moan and I didn't like it.

He stopped giving attention to my nipples and simply went further up, biting at my neck. I wasn't sure what to do other than to shudder. His pace abruptly quickened and one thrust, that was so different than all the others, sent that fuzzy and euphoric feeling through me tenfold. I made a noise louder than any of the others. Surprisingly, when he went back, he hit the same spot again, the same feeling ensued. With his quickened pace and this new feeling, I felt my abdomen start to heat up. It didn't alleviate at all, only kept building. For the first time in this entire ordeal, Kabuto made one of the same noises and somehow went even quicker. He made one big thrust and something warm exploded in me, which in turn released the built heat in my abdomen. He had stopped but wasn't moving out. He was heaving.

"You know, Gome-chan. I really am lucky you're such a slut" The word made me realize the entire gravity of what happened. She'd only heard about this a few times, it's the kind of stuff in those Icha Icha Pervert books. It's _sex._ Sex is how… Oh god, it's how girls can get pregnant. My heart felt like it stopped beating, "You went through so much experimentation and stress and starvation. You'll never have kids." He pulled away from me, a clear-white-ish liquid was dripping from the tip of his… thing to my privates. My head was so jumbled, I couldn't really process it. I wouldn't have kids? Ever? Even if I got better and gained some weight? I didn't care when he let me go and left. I was sticky and my thighs were covered in blood and white-ish-clear stuff. My sheets were covered in it too.

 ****SEXUAL PART DONE HELLO CINNAMON ROLLS** please read what I say at the end ****

I wanted to die. I had said that before, but at that moment, I wanted to die more than anything. In fact, I shakily stood up, only then realizing the stab wound in my leg was still there. I pulled the kunai out of my leg. I held it shakily. I hated myself, I wasn't ever going to reproduce and I was a useless stain on the earth. I laughed, the tears were already pooling again, even though I could feel the stain of the ones that had already rolled down my cheeks. I looked at the kunai in my hands and then my wrists. I never had that last motive to complete my task before, when I simply had it resting, but now I saw no need to live.

I was pathetic, impure, trash. No one would love someone who was a traitor and no longer innocent at so young. _It's all your fault._ Was it really? I forced him… I'm the slut who let someone violate me. The kunai shook viciously in my hand. I made the mistake of looking at my clock, it was 10:46. An hour, an hour took all I have. Ironically, lunch had been let out at the academy six minutes ago. I let out a smile, that was what I needed. The last push. All my friends, they'd be better off. I had the sense to get dressed before my last act. I wouldn't like getting found naked, but I neglected to wash. I didn't care that much. I wore a T-shirt and shorts for easy cutting. First I made deep lines on my legs. If my wrists didn't work, I'd have all this extra blood loss on my side. After a few more deep ridges, avoiding my previous stab wound, I went up to my arms. Deeper ridges went here, but then I got to my wrists. I took a deep breath and went down, biting through the pain, I made two vertical lines.

I heard a scream, then life faded. I could feel my blood pumping out and it gave me a kind of delight. My wish was finally being accounted for. The one who had screamed came and grabbed me. _"God Kagome-chan, h-how could you do this? Please! No!"_ everything died.

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 **Hello again to those who have stayed, thank you. It was very explicit, I know. But it was necessary. The rape from Kabuto may seem very OOC, but in the way, I have analyzed his character, with the particular set of circumstances, I believe he would do this. You have to remember the Naruto-verse isn't like ours. Even though the initial rape may be looked down upon, it's even mentioned that younger women (10-15) get married off to older men (35-50) with no say as in canon with anime and manga. Which I'm sure is considered normal there. So it wouldn't cross his mind how young she is, but more the fact he knew she wanted to die and that was the only way to punish her disobedience to Orochimaru and himself without giving her what she wants/doing the same old same old. And plus, he would get his own pleasure out of it. He would have also read through her medical records. Which since her obvious deal with anorexia, she's infertile (which can be a side effect of the disease, also being wildly affected by the stress and experiments she underwent at her old compound) So she had no way to get pregnant from his rape. He didn't expect her to try and kill herself afterwards, so he woudn't have felt like that wold be a factor. So I'm done with my explination, thank chu. Pease come back ;-;**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm soooooo sorry ~ it took so long and I apologize so much. Chapter five is hereeee! There is still nsfw content in this chapter and you should expect that to happen a lot from now on. I'm not gonna be marking the nsfw scenes from now on either because honestly, this fic is Rated M. You should know. I have it in the summary. Yes, it IS rape. Remember this isn't supposed to be fetishized, it's a fucking horrible situation and it's going to make an interesting character. I've actually done A LOT of research on the mental illness' Kagome has. (Some include BPD, Depression, Suicidal Tendencies, Anxiety, PTSD, Sociopathic/Psychopathic Tendencies, "Pure Obsessive" OCD, ASPD, etc.) and I think I'm getting it pretty good.**

 **PLEASE if I make ANY typos tell me. PM or review or whatever. I wanna fix everything that's absolutely horrible 3**

 **Words: 9196**

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 _I took a breath. I had replayed this scene 1,000 times it felt like. My eyes were starting to hurt from the flames every night, "Sis, what's wrong?" the boy staring at the sun to the left of me questioned. He had the same green hair, same amethyst eyes. He was the brother I never remembered having before but suddenly could pull vague things from thin air. He likes onigiri, the messy ones the small me used to make. But not his name, nor my own. I had listened intently the first few cycles, but he and my father never called me anything other than sis or daughter. Now I turned to him, I wasn't sure what became of him or my father after my kidnapping, he was somewhere 17 then so he was too old for their experiments. Did they kill them both?_

" _Nothing, brother" he looked at me with his face contorted in a way that showed he didn't believe a word I had said. And I was sure that any minute now he would call me out on it, loud and accusing. He'd done it so many times in the past, "But you're usually so bubbly! You usually laugh and focus on everything around you, but now you're just quietly staring off into space!" I sighed and rolled over to my side. He would never understand and I would never tell him no matter how fond I started to get to this stranger._

" _Father is giving me nightmares" I would guess that when I was innocent, he would. He brutally murders all in his path, save my brother and I. And I watched him, 1,000 times over, kill the same old farmer man that dared cross his path early in the morning. It was more brutal than what I had ever done. My brother gave me a sad look and hugged me to his chest, as usual. His sympathy was comforting, but it never erased the images. Or the fact I had no idea who he was, "-, it's okay. Dad's a great general, it's what he does for a living. It's just how he is." Once again, my name was blurred from my ears even though he said it. Not only that, but his words did nothing. I had to see that every morning. It never got better._

 _I heard the yelling in the distance, and even from here the stench of strong bourbon infested the otherwise beautiful and fragrant garden. My brother got up and went to go and confront him while I simply brushed off the lush kimono I had been forced into earlier and stood up alone in the garden. This was a lavish life I used to live, one that I'm sure only daughters of the ruler and his closest generals would have, and my father just happened to be one of those generals. A roar erupted through the premises and I immediately jumped back in fear. That had never happened before, "-, where are you, you little bitch?" I got the feeling to turn and run as fast as I could. That didn't turn out so well for as soon as I turned my back, I was picked up from the obi on my kimono. I screamed and tried to fight it._

" _Why did you do that, huh? Why did you hurt yourself? What did you have to gain from doing that to yourself? You tried to kill yourself! You would have been gone forever! Why did you do that?" As he was spouting out deeds he couldn't have known about, the entire scene lit ablaze. He kept on yelling so much I had to cover my ears. My brother soon joined him, oddly. Screaming at me, "What was the purpose of killing yourself? Are you really as weak as they all tell you that you are?" both of them joined was starting to take its toll, until they started to scream blindly from burning. Everything was burning._

I sprung up and immediately winced. My entire body ached, where was I? One look around and I knew where I was, the hospital. There was a figure at the edge of my bed, obviously asleep. His spiky ponytail gave a big indicator of who he was exactly. Even though it hurt a bit, I leaned over and shook his shoulder gently. He didn't wake up still. I gave a deadpanned look. Welp, only one thing left to do. I sent a swift kick to his head, waking him up. Even though most of whatever force I had being absorbed by the sheets. He looked at me silently for a minute, a shocked expression on his face. It almost looked like tears were forming in his eyes, "K-Kagome-c-chan?" he sounded like he couldn't believe he was looking at me, "Yeah?"

"Oh, my Kami, you're awake! You've been in a coma for three weeks Kagome. Why… Why would you ever do that?" A few fatty tears spilled from his eyes, "You know, you're so troublesome… you had everyone so worried about you. Did you… did you not think about who would find you? I just wanted to visit for lunch really quick, you know? And…" his eyes widened in memory and he threw his arms over me. I stiffened, part of me remembered. I remembered what _he_ did me. Something told me to scream, so I did, "No! Don't touch me! Get away! Please stop…" Kabuto's form shadowed me and my heart raced. I didn't notice Shikamaru leave. All I could think about was him touching me. I was shaking.

All the sudden the door swung open, I twisted my head in the direction it was. I was him, Kabuto. He was wearing a medic-nin's uniform. I screamed loud and huddled in the back of my bed, even if it hurt. I needed to go. I couldn't be here, no. He was going to hurt me again. I needed to get out, but no I couldn't with these wounds. I needed to go, I needed to leave. The abrupt thought that came into my head was menacing. But it was the only way to get away. I ripped off the bandages over my wrists to see scabbed over wounds. I ignored the pleas to stop from the men in the room and started to peel at the scabs. I sobbed as someone ripped my arms from scratching the cuts and kept them apart from each other. A pressure on my neck sent me into slumber again. I felt my body slump.

 _Why won't they just let me die? I'll never be safe._

Kabuto's eyes darkened as he sedated the girl. He gave her emergency treatment to her oozing wrists. The damn child, she wouldn't just accept the fact that she was now Orochimaru's property. She didn't have any control and wouldn't die until _he_ decided. After he went through all the trouble to erase the evidence of the rape, she had to go and be traumatized? He had read the folder from what's-his-name at the compound and she had been through much more traumatizing events than that. He even tried to make it a little enjoyable for her, and she went and did this? That's what he gets for being nice. Once she was out of here, he was going to show her how to appreciate his kindness.

Orochimaru had not been happy about her disobedience, so he couldn't do anything to make her pull a stunt like this again. _Maybe I'll offer to teach her medical knowledge. Give her something to enjoy and give a legitimate reason to receive discipline so she doesn't feel so unsafe. I should probably also offer some compassion these next few weeks, to get her to trust me. She'll be way more useful if she's obedient and as skilled as I am. Yes, that's the plan._ He looked at her friend, the Nara with a sweet smile, "She'll be fine, but will probably need counseling. This reaction is understandable, she went through something very traumatic by hurting herself." He nodded dejectedly and walked out of the room. The poor boy had been there almost every day since he had admitted her.

God this girl was such trouble. Somehow, though, Kabuto found himself in a situation where he was attached to her. Not in any good way, but more in a way where he just wanted to pass off his own self-conflict to her. He didn't really know who he was, but he knew who she was. He knew all her secrets and he knew how to pull her strings. It was a relief to have someone so easy to understand and easy to inflict pain on. Truth was, he never planned what happened that day. He never even found her attractive previously. All that was on his mind was the fact that she hadn't listened and he had run out of things to use as punishment. He was now, however. Somehow that was the best he'd ever had, no idea how or why, but it was. Another reason he'd resorted to measures however is he needed something to last, but it seemed it have worked too well from her reaction. Even so, he still liked this a little bit. She was in fear and questioning now, not him. He was sure of what he was doing for once. He didn't understand why he was in such an obsessive state with the child or why she had been the biggest thing to impact him for a while, but she was.

He brought his hand to his forehead. It was a struggle to use a good enough Genjutsu to cover his tracks on his actions. He did get himself a spot as one of the head medics in her case, so he had enough access to edit all her original examination forms and the memories of the nin that did the original examination. He did it, even so. His eyes wandered towards her sedated form and he put more bandages over her cuts, making sure to heal them more so that they were more scar than scab. He ignored all her other scars, the ones he and her old boss had left everywhere. She honestly looked like one of those shinobi he had seen after they had been captured, tortured, and rescued. Now her cuts on her wrists were closed enough that if she tried to peel off the scabs again she wouldn't have any chance of dying.

Another reason he was so endlessly obsessed with the child wasn't something he himself had found out, but Orochimaru. Orochimaru's original plan was to see if she could stand the curse mark and then indefinitely retrieve her if she could. He did this only a year prior to her arrival. However, when he tried to, something went erroneous. The mark surfaced and she made the trademark scream of pain, but what his master described as a _black_ chakra simply covered the mark and destroyed the curse mark in its entirety. There was no trace of Orochimaru anywhere on her. Kabuto had spent almost all his days beating the shit out of her trying to understand what that was. Whenever she attacked him with her own chakra it was exactly like everyone else's, a light blue. Nothing was black as Orochimaru had described.

He wouldn't understand for years to come.

I woke up once again, parts of my earlier pain relieved. This time I was alone in my room. Now I had the ability to cope and thing about my surroundings and the events proceeding the current moment. Kabuto, he was my medic. The one looking after me. Figures he would be. I clenched my fists, I felt so sorry for myself. I felt so sorry for Shikamaru most of all however. I didn't notice until now, but I saw around 6 lilies in a vase near my bed. All different ages, with some of them completely wilted. He'd been visiting me for a while. I should have just died, if I had the initial shock of my death would have been dying out by now. My funeral would have been held and I would be gone.

My door opened and I didn't bother looking. Someone had healed my wrists completely while I was asleep. If it was Kabuto, I was screwed with no way of escaping. I'd rather just accept it than risk spending any more time here, or god forbid getting kicked from the academy from my obviously psychotic behavior. The figure who had entered loomed over me, silently. In around what felt like 5 minutes they finally spoke, "Tai-san, I am Moreno Ibiki. I am here to do an evaluation of your mental state and to gather information about your incident" I turned over and my eyes widened. If anyone could have more scars and marks on themselves than me, this man was it. His face was covered in them, I couldn't imagine what his body would look like.

"Well I'm obviously not okay, your point is?" I talked back. He narrowed his eyes. Before he could speak I decided to take the initiative, "And stop lying. You and everyone else knows about my _'incident'_ and the exact details of it. You don't have anything else to know about it that you couldn't gather from my medical report. Long story short, due to the past trauma I experienced in the experimental compound, I have grown a sense of self-loathing and hatred for life. Nothing more, nothing less. It's just been hard to cope without having danger at every second as I used to."

"If so, Tai-san, explain to me the welts that I see now that were nowhere to be seen on your examination. They're more recent, definitely from after you arrived. Also, explain your reaction to people touching you, you seem to have grown a phobia to it" to prove his point, he extended his finger and touched my shoulder. Involuntarily shuddered and whimpered. Kabuto's hands all over me flashed in my mind and I tried to hold back some tears, "All of your symptoms point to one thing, abuse. From even after you arrived here. And from someone with influence if they could easily control your medical records to destroy any paper evidence of it. I can't make you tell me who it is, Tai-san. And I won't push you to. This person may hurt you even worse if you do, but if you get into this state of mind again from their actions, I will personally help you."

"You're like me, right? That's why you want to help me. You've seen all my scars, and you have ones just like them. You've been tortured." I didn't even dismiss his ideas about the abuse. He hit it on the mark, but he obviously didn't know who it was. Meaning he really couldn't do much since I already decided to never tell him, "You are a sharp one, Tai-san. Yes. In regards to whoever's doing this to you, however, I will not chase them down or try and find out who they are. If this was a normal abuse case between citizens, I'd already have this down. But they are a shinobi and have the means to hurt you a lot worse. And they have that influence, which means they may be able to weasel out of this. At this point in time, all I can do is help you soften their blow. Promise me, Tai-san, not to let this person get the better of you and make you do something like this again."

"I promise" It was empty, but I saw him nod with satisfaction and get up. He told me goodbye and said that friends of mine were waiting outside to see me and they'd be coming in soon. I nodded. He left me to only silence. How did I get here? I held up my scarred wrists. Well maybe they were most prominent scars were there, but the pinkish outlines of all my memories littered me ugly. I shuttered, no one would ever love me like this. No one would ever want to touch me in this soiled body. I barely paid attention when the door opened again, all I realized was that it was a group of about four people. Shikamaru, Kiba, Naruto, and Choji. I nodded towards them in greetings. The movements were so fast, I had no time to react to the orange blur. I screamed as I felt the warm contact on my body, "No! No! Stop! Don't hurt me, please stop!"

"G-Gome-chan…?" The orange boy sprung off me, it was like he was personally offended by my actions, "Stupid! They told us not to touch her, Naruto! They said she went through some crap, so get offa her!" I heard Kiba scold the boy. I sighed and shook my head.

"It's okay, I'm sorry for reacting like that, Naru-kun. I'm still shaken up." He nodded, but I didn't mistake that glimmer of distrust in my words. I needed to get over this, I promised not to let Kabuto control my life. I won't be afraid of their touch. I reached out, taking the blond's wrist and pulling him back towards me. I reached out and grabbed the previously silent Shikamaru. The other two got it and joined in. Their touches made me paranoid, but I powered through the anxiety. That day had been good after that, we talked for hours. I realized how much I loved those boys, my guilt only settled in worse. Eventually I got out of the hospital, after a few weeks. With the promise of weekly visits to Ibiki to make sure I was mentally sound and monthly visits to the hospital to monitor my weight and health. And these promises meant I could still train at the academy.

I had just gotten released and I made my way home. I shuddered a small bit at the memories there. As I stumbled to unlock the door, I felt eyes watching me. I pretended not to notice. If it was Kabuto maybe he would just leave me alone after he got bored of watching me do nothing. Or maybe he would get bored and try to make something happen. I simply pushed the door open and gazed inside. I almost puked. Apparently, no one had thought to clean up all the blood and… stuff. It was dried all over the bed. I fell to the ground, I've had flashbacks of that day a lot, but I never remembered it whole. Right now, I could see the actions being performed in front of me. I had figured out what he'd done to me when Ibiki told me the different kinds of abuse a person could endure, which had been a way for him to try and find out what he needed to do to get me better. I had known the word 'rape' and that's what he'd done to me. But, I never knew exactly what 'rape' was. _"The act of unwilful sexual penetration into a person. Does this sound familiar, Kagome-chan? It's okay if you don't fully understand what I'm saying." "I-Is that like… does that have to do with down here?" "…yes, it does Kagome-chan" "T-Then yes, I understand. T-That's one of them"_

I remembered vividly the rage and shock on his face when I had told him that. It was a worse reaction than any other kinds I had described. He had looked truly mortified. And Ibiki _never_ ever looked that horrified before. It was the thing that triggered me into the spiral of self-loathing that led to me trying to carve out my wrists. I came to sense when a hand landed on my head. I wish I hadn't guessed right on who my stalker was. I was tempted to scream as loud as possible and to run away, but it was futile. He would capture me and hurt me again, "They're so mean, Gome-chan. They left this mess for you to clean up. I'll take care of it for you." He walked past me, my eyes glaring daggers into his back. He with no mistake noticed, but didn't even fidget. All he did was gather my sheets and start to run some cold water from the sink. I simply sat there, unable to make my muscles move as he cleaned my sheets and quickly hung them up to dry outside. He soon went to scrub the blood out from the wooden floor beside my bed.

"K-Kabuto-sama… w-what…" I was so perplexed. Why was that monster just walking around and cleaning up that mess? It was absurd. After he was done hanging them outside, he walked up to me and sat down across from me, "I'm sorry, Gome-chan. I didn't predict you would do such a thing like that. Now I won't go any easier on you, but I will make you a deal. How about I train you for real? I'll teach you real medical jutsu and I'll only hurt you if you make a mistake or disobey me with that. I'll put out rules for our training and only do things to you if you mess the rules up. I'll also make sure you're well taken care of in every other aspect and that you understand everything that's happening. Well I say it's a deal, but I'll make you do it no matter what, but I'm going to let you enjoy yourself a little too."

I gulped. What is a person supposed to do in a situation like this? "Are you going to… touch me like that again…?" I hoped not with all my might. It was the only valid question that I really wanted to know the answer to. He straightened his back and sighed. His body leaned back slightly and he answered, "Yes. I will, Gome-chan. You can learn to like it and it won't be as bad for you or you can dislike it and fight me, but it will be very painful. It's your choice. Oh by the way, Gome-chan, I took this for safe keeping until you could come back" He handed me the stuffed star that Kitty had given me. My eyes widened and I swiftly grabbed it from him and squeezed it. I knew something was missing. This was the only good thing, at all. My star, it would be the only thing to keep me going. It showed Kitty didn't hate me. That good things like getting stuffed stars from practical strangers happened. It showed Kabuto was not the only thing in life, other people loved me enough.

"So long, Gome-chan. I'll see you in about… two days. We'll begin the first stage of training. Be prepared" He left and closed the door. I cuddled with my star on the floor, tears were falling rapidly from my eyes. I decided to head over to Naruto's house to feel better. I took my star with me and walked my way over there. The door was usually unlocked, so when I push forwards and it didn't budge a confused look befell my face. I knocked, waiting about 20 seconds before knocking again. The door started to unlock and swung open. There was the sleepy blond. He was in his normal jumpsuit, but he looked too tired to function, "Oh… Gome-chan. What's up?"

"Oh uhm…" I blushed, thinking about how awkward this must make Naruto feel. I hugged my stuffed star tight to my chest, "Can I just hang out for a while? I got lonely at my apartment by myself. I'll even eat some ramen with you and we can maybe play some games or something like that." He rubbed his eyes, he looked exhausted. I peered behind him, his entire floor was covered in scrolls. They seemed to all contain basic training techniques and jutsu. He was training this entire time He nodded and led me inside. His apartment was just about as big as mine.

"Sorry for the mess, I was ya know, training and stuff." He sat down and slumped to the floor. I nodded. I set down Starry the Stuffed Star and started to gather his scrolls. He looked at me, questioning my actions. I rolled each scroll and paid attention to the titles, ordering them alphabetically. He laid down on his bed. It was going to be dark in about an hour anyways, so I let him crash. He must train hard, all the time. It didn't seem anyone would ever take the time to teach him anything. He would have to learn it all by himself, trying for hours then. I felt guilty, I was at least slightly naturally gifted. As he didn't seem to have much natural talent. By the time that I was finished organizing his scrolls in a small storage closet, Naruto was already knocked out. I lay his covers over his body. I could feel his depleted chakra. I put my hand to his forehead only to feel a burning sensation. I shook my head and set Starry beside him. Give him some good dreams.

I set out a small guest futon and sheet for myself. Might as well sleep here tonight, if I was going to have Starry stay with Naruto. My stomach growled halfway through trying to fall asleep. I grunted and made my way into Naruto's small kitchen. I opened the fridge. It looked almost exactly like mine, near empty. Shikamaru, Choji, and Kiba's food supply had run out a while ago and I was flat broke. It seemed Naruto had the same problem. I decided not to take any of what he had. I went back to my mat, sighing. I would lean the rest of his semi-dirty apartment tomorrow. All I knew was that I was at the very least safe from Kabuto here. Maybe I should just never again sleep in my apartment and just stay here. I laughed at the absurdity of that.

I fell asleep quickly, waking up at dawn. Right before the sun rose. Naruto was still sound asleep, hugging the absolute shit out of Starry. A giggle escaped my throat. I cleaned up the mat I had set for myself. The only thing left was the mess of trash, dust, dirt, and dishes littered across the floor. I started with setting the dishes in the kitchen, then throwing away the trash. Then going and dusting the place. I made sure to organize his weapons and reorganize his scrolls to make sure that they were in the right order. By the time that I was done, the sun was just about rising and the apartment was spotless aside from the bed Naruto was sleeping on. It looked surprisingly like mine, with just more furniture. I decided I might as well wash his laundry to, so I went to go do that. When I was drying his orange jumpsuits and pajamas, I heard shuffling from inside. I looked through the glass door to see Naruto just waking. Starry was in one hand while the other was rubbing his eye.

I walked in quietly and softly chided, "Naru-kun, you fell asleep on me last night. I gave you Starry and just slept over, if you don't mind." He seemed to come to his senses when he looked around his apartment. His eyes went wide, a glad a shocked expression taking him over. I let out another giggle, "D-Did you clean _all_ of this Gome-chan?" I nodded and laid down next to him on his bed. I had to admit, I didn't honestly get much sleep. It would have been about midnight when I finally got to sleep and it was around 4 when I got up. And I had gone into cleaning mode the entire morning. I was tired. He blushed and moved a bit away from me. I let out another giggle. Naruto was a fun person to be with.

"Well, uhm I'm sorry Gome-chan… I don't really have a lot for you to eat" He seemed ashamed. I shook my head, propping myself up, "I don't have a lot at my house either, but I have quite some money saved up, why don't I get us something to eat? I can get you some ramen!" His eyes lit up. He, like a speed demon, grabbed his jumpsuit and rushed into the bathroom. I could have sworn two seconds later he was already out and dressed. I laughed as he seemed so cute like this. Why did everyone call him such a demon?

"Come on Gome-chan!" He yelled, already outside the door. I followed him, a kind of drag in my step. With Naruto's eating habits, I was going to be broke. It was all worth it, for that little spark that ignited when I said that, though. An hour later I was 81,296-yen short. My last four month's savings, almost since I'd been here, spent on the hyperactive boy next to me. Despite me knowing that I wouldn't be able to eat or pay for anything new for the next month, I smiled at him as he treated himself to not only Ichiraku's ramen, but many of the restaurants I'm sure he'd never actually been to. If I were to guess, it was from the bias and hate Naruto had been subjected to that they refused to serve to him. They tried to deny us, but as soon as I flashed a stack of cash their way they served us ahead of everyone else.

Every time Naruto ordered something new and expensive on the menu, I wanted to cry. I stayed smiling, never ordering a thing but water. He never seemed to notice. We visited a total of five of Konoha's star restaurants and Ichiraku's. I had to have Ichiraku put about half of my payment for his ramen on a tab for me to pay off month by month. He was kind about it, once I explained how I was just trying to make a nice day for Naruto and I would pay him off for all of it at some point. When we had left the shop, we opted to find a nice place to train (in which caused me to take him into a weapon shop and put a tab out for 17,423-yen worth of new supplies) and talk things out. He had an entire new set of kunai, scrolls, shuriken, and almost any other basic supply you could possibly imagine.

When we were there and Naruto was trying to aim correctly at the training dummy for 50th time, he stopped. He looked at me with concern, "…Gome-chan?" I tilted my head in response and he sat, looking me directly in the eyes, "Thank you" A goofy grin covered his face. I smiled a little bit and nodded. I was tired, and stressed. God, how was I going to pay off all these debts? I whispered that we should go and that I was going to stop by his apartment to get Starry then head home. We made it there and he hugged me to his chest. He whispered another thank you, I swear I could hear a cry in his voice. With Starry in tow, I headed home. I was dead in debt. And never going to be able to pay it all off and survive at the same time.

When I arrived at home, I collapsed on my bed. I got a flashback of that day and started to shake. As if the universe had been reading my mind, I felt a hand slide down my side. I knew exactly who was doing this. I had single small protest, "P-Please stop" I felt the tears start to stream. They ignored me and continued to make their way under my shirt. I thought quickly, remembering Ibiki. I could tell him, get Kabuto to stop, "Stop now or I'll tell them… They know someone is hurting me just not who and if you don't stop now I'm going to tell them." My threat hung in the air for a few seconds and he pulled his hand from where he was under my shirt. His glasses had the reflection of the moon in them and he grunted.

He stood up, dusting himself off, "Fine, Gome-chan." He stepped over me, on his way out. I sat, shocked at the ease. When he got to the doorknob, he turned back at me, "You'll probably want to come with me. I mean, you like watching your victims die, right? It'll be fun for you to watch the Nara's life bleed from his eyes when I kill him. Oh… You didn't think I knew, did you? You're not very good at hiding your little crushes, Gome-chan. I see the way you look at him, the way you blush every time he's so much as a little kind to you. The way you cling onto him. Yes, you'll have so much fun watching the Nara die at my hand because you were so selfish." My heart stopped. No. No no no no no. Not Shikamaru. How… How did he figure that out from just that? I thought I was so cunning, not letting anyone figure out how much I in actuality cared for him. I was awoken from my frantic trance with the sound of a turning handle.

"Wait! No, please. Please don't hurt him. I'll listen to you. Please just leave him and the rest of my friends alone. Please, Kabuto-sama, I'm begging. Please don't hurt any of them, they're all I have that's happy." He let go of the handle, a sadistic smile covering his face. He strode back towards me, lowering himself onto his heels. He took a lock of my hair in his hand, "Okay, so what will you do to keep thing from happening? How about… You listen to every word I say. I'm your god, Gome-chan. For me not to spite what you love, you must take my words as your religion. Don't ever mistake my threats as bluffing, either, because I assure you Gome-chan, I will kill them all, starting with your little Nara. So, never tell anyone and listen to my words as your religion and I won't mess with those who you love." I was sobbing and I nodded pathetically. He chuckled and enveloped me in a hug. His hand pet my head.

"Take it all off. You know what I mean." He whispered into my ear. I froze. No, he couldn't be meaning… One more flashback and I didn't doubt his request. I shook my head vigorously, wishing away the situation at hand. He pushed me backwards, pulling out and sticking a kunai in the space next to my head. The threat was so real, he was going to kill them all if I didn't please him, wasn't he? I was a shaking leaf as I pulled my shirt over my head slowly. I was only covered by some bandages across my chest that I used to hold back what little breast I had. I shook off my shorts, leaving me in my underwear also. Even without it all of I tried to hide myself from his gaze, "I said _everything_ Gome-chan. Do you want me to go and kill them? I'm getting very frustrated with your disobedience." I continued, taking off the bandages. I was bare for him to see. I tried to cover myself with one hand while simultaneously sliding the panties off my hips. I crossed my legs to block his view. The gust of cold hair I felt on my exposed skin made me shiver.

Before he could lay a hand on me I dove under my blankets. He looked disappointed for a second be for he smiled and lifted it, snuggling himself next to me under it. I could feel _it,_ the thing that he… I wanted to die again. To just stop this hell. I tried my best to block out the feeling of him starting to grope me. He spooned me and pulled my body up next to him. When did his shirt… God why was any of this happening to me? Was I really that horrible of a person? Does everyone really hate me so much as to doom me to the fate of being a little toy for a sadistic bastard? I couldn't help the little sound that came out when he started to touch me in those places. This was much gentler than before, and reacting in comparison, I started to squirm from the little sparks he sent. I soon shook my head, blocking it out. I didn't want this. This wasn't enjoyable in any way. I numbed myself and stopped even moving.

"You're difficult, I really didn't want to do this." I couldn't react before I felt the giant pain of the needle in my neck. I winced as I felt the liquid, whatever it was, rush into my veins. Everything went dizzy and slumped over. When he touched me this time, running fingers lightly over my nipples, I let out a loud sound. He seemed to be very pleased as he led his hand down… I almost screamed when he did. It felt like heat was pouring throughout my body in waves, "You seem a lot more compliant now. This will be fun for the both of us this time." He flipped me onto my stomach, even with his hands only on my sides let out a little gasp at the little shudder that rippled through me. I started to fight despite whatever the drug he had put in me was doing, lashing out at him. It didn't do much as he brought me up on my hands and knees effortlessly. I wasn't prepared.

He thrusted forwards, his _thing_ going inside me again. I screamed, even though the large tingle of something akin to pleasure ran through me, it hurt like hell. He didn't waste time getting into a rhythm, every time he hit me again, I grunted and tried not to cry. Soon enough started to try and kick away. He stopped abruptly after he realized that's what was happening. He leaned down, "Alright, Gome-chan. Three strikes. Keep going like this and I will go and kill your precious Nara along with that blond idiot Naruto. You're on strike one." I nodded and let him get back into his pace. It didn't hurt nearly as much as last time, but I still felt raw and useless. I let him flip me back over while stood up, pushing into me against the wall. Even with the drug, the thought of Shikamaru's lifeless eyes and body was enough for me to numb this out. I felt a hot liquid shoot into me and Kabuto pulled out, setting me down.

He was panting, obviously out of breath. I was gross. Before I had time to process my situation, I felt him pull me towards him. I was laying back against chest. I could feel the warm liquid dripping out onto my sheets and grimaced. He didn't have any indication of letting me go whatsoever, "I think that was a little better, Gome-chan. You can say you didn't enjoy it all you want, but you were wet the entire time. Dripping. You felt good even if you didn't wish to. You'll learn to really like this." He nuzzled himself into the crook of my neck. I scowled, fighting the urge to jerk away. But who knows what he would do to Naruto, or god forbid Shikamaru. All I could do was attack him with words. I could feel a black presence seep out from in my words as I spoke with venom, "I hate you. My body responded to a _drug,_ not you. But… I should let you do this to me as many times as you wish to protect them, shouldn't I? I must do this just so my friends can live another day. God."

He chuckled against me, "Well I do enjoy being with someone who understands their predicament. I only needed a minute to catch my breath, though, Gome-chan. We have a long night together" I ignored him pushing me on my back and spreading my legs. I ignored his _thing_ going back in there. And I tried to suppress the small sound I made with every thrust. When my abdomen started burning, a lot like last time, I tried not to make even louder sounds. I failed miserably. When Kabuto finally released in me again, I also released the burning pressure. The feeling made my voice raise. The rest of the night was that, over and over until eventually I just passed out from complete exhaustion. I hated this. I hated him. Every time he released inside me, every time my hate and anger grew, I felt something dark. It was deep in my mind, but the darkness was there.

I spent the next few days at my new job with Ino's family, at the flower shop. Switching from Kabuto's medical lessons and my job there, I rarely got much sleep. And soon enough I would be well enough to go back to the academy. I planned to keep my job, how else would I ever pay off all that debt? Then Kabuto would never let me go. I wouldn't ever get a wink again. I somehow convinced everyone to let me off for weekends. Those days were spent with Shikamaru. He had a hill where he would just sleep or watch the clouds and after a while, he showed it to me. Now we met there and sat together silently. It was the best time of the week. Today was one of those days.

"Shika…? I- I don't know what to do… I'm so tired." I didn't even know why I was telling him this. I was just so tired all the time. Between work and training and trying to make time for him. I was starting to see how Kabuto found out about my little crush with how much I went out of my way to be with him. I was a blushing mess. I couldn't stop myself from crying again. He caught on and immediately hugged me, "Hey, what's wrong? What do you mean?" I didn't want to respond. I just screamed out my frustration. I stayed like that, slowly calming down. He pet my head, asking every now and then if I was alright.

"I'm so sorry… I've just been in so much pain. I don't know what to do. I know you like to be here for the peace and quiet and I'm just ruining that, but you're the only one here, Shika. I need to get away, I need to die. Please why didn't you just let me die, Shika? Why did you have to keep me in this hell? I'm so tired and hungry and I can't pay for anything. Please kill me…" He hugged me tighter. What do you say to someone begging for death? I personally didn't know, so how could he really? He told me that he would never let me die, "Man, I'll marry you if it means you'll be alive tomorrow. Please live, Kagome. You can do it." _Marry… me…?_ Something in me sparkled. Would he really do that? I knew he must be joking, but… marriage? It would be amazing to be married to him. We'd both meet with each other on romantic conquests in between missions, even go on some together!

I nodded, wiping away tears and curling up next to him, "So stay alive. We should probably get back home. It's getting late." He walked me to my apartment… I would marry Shikamaru, I decided. I would endure whatever Kabuto did to me if it meant I would be able to be Shikamaru's. I wasn't surprised to the man himself, Kabuto, cooking some dinner in my kitchen. He nodded to me with a smile and I ignored him. Mistake #1 of the night, "You're supposed to greet me when you enter and I'm here." His voice had an annoyed tone to it. I sighed, "Good Afternoon, Kabuto-sama. Thank you for making us dinner." He smiled again and continued making rice and… I'm not sure. He must have picked the stuff up on the way over here.

I collapsed on my bed. Kabuto seemed irritated about this, but didn't say anything about it, "How old are you, Kabuto?" He stopped cooking for a second and gazed at me. An awkward silence filled the room, "I'm seventeen" I almost gasped. He seemed so much older, about twenty. So, he was only about 5 years older than me, which really wasn't that much. He finished cooking and sat down next to me. He forced me to eat, threatening me if I didn't. I scoffed, he even threatened me into being healthy. I studied his features, the first time I think I ever actually paid much attention to them. Now that he said his age, I saw the youth radiating off his face. He noticed me staring and I looked down to my food quickly. I stuck the rice into my face and danced my chopsticks around the pork.

"Are you a vegetarian?" His sudden question startled me and I stuttered a yes. Not by choice of course, I would get sick if I ate any meat. Since I hadn't had any for years at the compound. He seemed to go into deep thought and swiped my food. He picked out all the meat and then handed me the rice and vegetables that were left. I paused, "T-Thank you, Kabuto-sama." He nodded and continued to eat the meat on his plate. We ate in stark silence until we were both done. He got up to clean the plates. I really didn't know what to do. Sometimes Kabuto was this, a happy, kind, and helpful person. Other times he was… he was the vile monster that has hurt me over and over. It was like he was two different people. I stayed on the floor, slumping down onto my back and stretching. Everything was so tiring and at this rate I would have to start working over the weekends too in order to pay all the debts.

"You need to take a shower; your hair is greasy. Go do that." I nodded and stood up, walking over to the bathroom. I did as he instructed, what was his angle? Why was he doing this to me? He was just going to touch me later anyways. When I came out of the shower, I got into the pajamas I brought into the bathroom with me. Walking through the door, I saw Kabuto laying down on my bed, with no shirt. I looked away, but continued towards the bed. I was hesitant in going beside him, but he gave me no choice by dragging me down by my wrist. I was abruptly in his hold. I was surprised after a few minutes passed and he hadn't tried anything. I lay like that for the rest of the night, not getting any sleep. His grip never lessened and I couldn't get out. This. This was my life.

I couldn't make the reality connect when I was finally admitted back to the academy for the first time since my attempt. They had thrown a little 'Welcome Back!' party for me. It meant nothing. None of them cared. This was polite at best, not them wanting to be with me. I doubted half of them had even known I was gone. My days had begun repeating yet again. I went to school, trained with Kabuto, worked myself to exhaustion, then would almost always be greeted by Kabuto at home. Some nights he would ask me to perform tasks, but others he would leave me alone. On weekends, I worked through most of the day and then always made time for Shikamaru. Those times of silence were still my favorite part of the week.

It begun to be not moments of silence, but moments of intellectual debate. We opened up and talked about all sorts of things. I ended up telling him of my day with Naruto and how much I was in debt because of it. That's why I was working myself to death. We also talked about… everything else. From opinions on problems with the village to our favorite colors. He said what his dream was. To be average. To be an average chunin, have an average wife, average kids, he didn't want anything different from just average. I struggled not to cry. That would mean that someone as tainted as me was probably out of the question. I stayed strong, though. I was determined. Shikamaru was who I loved, and no average woman would change that.

"I'm sorry, that I can't really do much right. I always feel like I'm taking things from you and giving you nothing in return." I evaded his gaze once we got talking about what I needed to survive. How we got on it, my clothes. They were kind of old. I would measure my amount of time in the village could be tallying up to almost a year and I still hadn't bought a single piece of clothing since that shopping trip with Kitty. My clothes were ripped and stained. I couldn't afford new ones yet. He offered to take me shopping with his father and himself. I adamantly refused. My clothes may be ripping and dirty, but I wouldn't exploit Shikamaru like this. A smile reached across his face, "Too late, Kagome" He pulled from behind himself a bag I hadn't noticed previously. He handed it to me.

My eyes widened at what was inside. Not only new black or navy training gear, outfits, and such, but also some frilly pinks and light blue leisure outfits. Cute girly stuff. Even an obviously expensive traditional kimono with elegant flowered patterns. I started to cry, it was so beautiful. I engulfed Shikamaru in hugs and love. So many 'thank you's and happy squeals. The happiness of that moment was short lived. I had taken my new apparel and headed home. I expected Kabuto to be there, but he was nowhere to be seen. I don't know why I let my guard down. I took so much time neatly setting my new outfits in my drawers. I giggled, giddy in the process. Today seemed to be my day. No Kabuto to be seen, Shikamaru loved me, and I wasn't nearly as exhausted as I usually was. I had also noticed a major difference in my body. My bones were still sticking out, but my skin in some parts was barely sunken in. Muscles had become stronger on my arms and legs as Kabuto trained me like a slave dog.

I regretted being so careless about the fact that I was happy for once in my life. I noticed him as soon as he entered, but I wasn't fast enough to prevent him from grabbing me and putting a cloth over my mouth. The smell was an obvious give away of chloroform. I knew I couldn't fight it so I simply let it happen, falling into a state of darkness. I woke up to gray walls, like the ones in my previous cell I had spent the majority of my life in. This was different, though. This, this could be what Kabuto had explained to be as the 'ANBU' hideout he'd practically spent his own life in. The program… Root? It was the only reasonable explanation of why Kabuto would kidnap me to a place like this. I tried to get up, but a pain rippled through my entire body. I fell back down. My head turned to find a metal table beside the bed. A syringe was sitting there, purple liquid was settled at the bottom. He drugged me.

"Fuck you" I muttered, not bothering trying to move. I was being cooperative, what more did he and Orochimaru want? I didn't bother expending energy to look when the door opened. I only cared when a splitting, slicing pain worse than when I moved made me scream. My eyes flew to who did it. It wasn't Kabuto. Danzo, I remembered seeing him when I was being evaluated to be a citizen of Konoha. What the even fuck did he want? I'm doing what I can, what more do these people want, "Kagome-chan, you decide what happens next. I am… promoting you in terms. It is mandatory. The decision you have to make will be how you go about this. While you are not, and never will be, a member of the organization I have here, I believe that you may be of use. I'm giving you a personal bingo book. Every individual in the book is a target for you. If Kabuto is telling the truth, you have become very progressive in your medical jutsu. These targets should be easy for you to get."

"Why?" I mumbled through the intense pain that was spreading from the knife he was twisting deep into my shoulder. I let out a small screech when my limit of pain had been long reached. Whatever they drugged me with was strong. He smiled, it was one of the most fake things I'd ever seen, "I like to have as many assets at my disposal as possible. You have the same general bingo book as everyone in my organization, however you have none of the tethers. I have no preference of when you carry each assassination, just that you do one a week. I also need you to drop off notes of every shinobi you know and drop them off at anonymous locations. Fail and punishment will be dealt." I nodded, trying to ignore the mind-numbing pain that came every time he twisted the kunai in my shoulder. He nodded at me, and left. Crap.

Kabuto emerged only a few moments later. He was silent as he healed the wound Danzo had left. He looked me in the eyes. Pity reflected, but was shaken off immediately and he went back to addressing my wound. I started crying, I don't think he would even care. He made me cry all the time. Why did everyone hate me? Everyone felt a need to attack at every corner. I felt a hand wipe away my tears. He spoke, "I don't want you to cry from anyone but me. Stop it." He smeared my blood on my face as he drug his hand down my face and back to my shoulder. I nodded and tried not to tear up anymore. God, the situation was so weird. I fell asleep in the middle of the searing pain that resulted from me feeling my skin molding back together from the healing Kabuto was doing. I'm pretty sure I passed out from the pain itself.

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 **See you guys in the next 5 or so months xD.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello again. Long time no see, friendos. Blah blah blah, terrible things happen like always. Thank you for reading.**

 **Disclaimer: Naruto is not owned by me**

 **Word count: 7191**

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I whimpered at the pain flaring in my veins. Kabuto sat next to me, almost lovingly petting my head. He said this is how you're supposed to build immunity to your own poisons. Inject little by little with a controlled version of the substance until you eventually can't be hurt by it. However, this was painful. More painful than I bargained for when I told Kabuto I wanted a break from the actual healing prospects and said I'd rather learn more about poisons. Sure, I already had a very detailed knowledge of them from my past occurrences, but that was premade elements that I'd never put together. Kabuto was showing me how to make homegrown poisons and making them so I wouldn't kill myself with them, "Come on, Gome-chan. This is what you wanted, right? It's just a little pain." I nodded and curled up on his lap. At this point I didn't care if it was him, I just wanted the pain to be a bit relieved.

"K-Kabuto-sama… I-It hurts…" I didn't know why I was saying things like this so pathetically. He picked me up and set me on the bed. I felt the covers fall on top of me and snuggled into them. My hands grabbed Starry. I didn't miss Kabuto's loathing glance at the stuffed object. Did he know it was from Kitty? Was he jealous? Soon enough, Kabuto sat beside me. I knew I was running a fever and had a sweat. I must have looked pathetic, "You know, Gome-chan, you're my favorite person. I never have to guess with you. Everything is so laid out. I mean, I know you probably hate me more than anything. Even though you do and you only comply because of the blackmail, I enjoy you." I whimpered in reply, "Don't worry, the fever will go down in the morning and you'll feel a lot better."

I nodded. I couldn't say anything because the bastard was right. I couldn't do anything or the people I _did_ love would be hurt. A flash of Shikamaru and Naruto entered my mind. I winced at the thought of them being hurt by my selfishness. I could endure this, I know I could. The thought swirled and consumed me. A felt a certain _darkness_ within me. I had felt something similar the day I tried to commit suicide, but I had written it off as my final dark wishes to the world. Right now, it was the same but different. Back then I had self-destructive gory thoughts. Now, it was them. The millions of ways Kabuto could slaughter them. Quick, slow, publicly, under the silence of the night, or even tied up in front of me. I shuddered, trying to will it away, but the darkness was too much. All I could see was them dead at the hands of the enemy, and it was my fault.

I was teleported within the horror my mind had created. It was set in a dark forest, away from life itself. My feet were firmly glued to the ground and the rest of my body was just about frozen in place. Any color my skin already had was gone. All I could see was Shikamaru bleeding from I couldn't even count how many cuts. He was reaching out, screaming for me to help him, but I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I heard a sharp snap and whipped my head in the direction it came from. Naruto's legs were snapped in halves and he was crawling, just barely alive. I dropped to the ground, covering my face with my hands. I felt liquid run down my face and tore my hands away only for them to be covered in blood. Was it my fault? Did I kill them? No, Kabuto did. It's Kabuto's fault, all his fault. He took me away from my emotionless solitude back at the compound. I remembered what it was like not to care about anything. I remembered the walk here; how emotionally barren I had been. Now, what was I?

I dropped to the ground, Shikamaru started screaming for me. Naruto joined in. Their voices joined together in a symphony of horror. Then, it all stopped abruptly. I was just in darkness, nothing else was seen. The blood previously spilled everywhere was gone. _Kagome, come here._ It echoed not so much in the environment but inside me. I stood up, walking where I at least felt I should go. Only a few steps out and the darkness wrapped around me, keeping me still. _I've become strong enough to invade your mind, but Kagome you need to let me out. I can give you power._ The voice was scary, but I really didn't see a problem. I didn't want to be there anyways. _It will take a while, you need to keep feeling for me. Keep getting scarred emotionally and someday I can take over for you. No more feeling after that, Kagome. Just the darkness. Deal?_ I loosely nodded. Everything was so numb and serene here. I never wanted to leave. As if reading my thoughts, I was ejected from my serenity and slammed into reality. It felt as if I had just dived off a 30-story building. I winced. I screamed bloody murder at the feeling reality. What was that? What had I done, making a deal with some nightmare?

Kabuto was on me in a second, a frantic look on his face, "Are you okay?" I looked over to him once I had partially calmed down. What did that ass care? I felt a vile hatred course through me, a similar feeling the darkness in my dream had given me. I nodded and turned the other way. I couldn't feel the poison anymore, that was good. All I could see were my favorite people withering and dying because of the man that slept next to me every few nights. He shook his head, disproving my thought on him sleeping next to me by exiting my apartment. I smiled, finally getting some peace. The coldness soon set in my chest. I wasn't tired anymore and I had nothing to do. An idea formed in my head. I hadn't spoken to Ibiki yet this week. I could just pour out my heart to him and tell him my dream. I quickly got up, not bothering to even look at my hair or my outfit to see if they were messy or dirty.

I ran in the soft light of dawn, across the orange rooftops. I was heading to what was their 'interrogation' center that also doubles as therapy for young girls that tried to kill themselves. Once by the academy, I slipped into an entrance hidden in the ground right outside the building. In contrast the empty outside, this place was bright and bursting with shinobi. It was at every point in time. Most of it contained shinobi and captured enemies being dragged into a room for interrogation. Every now and then you would see ANBU operatives waving through. I saw no chunin and absolutely no genin whatsoever. I weaved through the crowd myself. I passed a tired looking woman at a desk that took care of entries and exits. I pitied her job, all she got to do was sign in shinobi and confirm mission reports. Her brown locks were growing gray at the roots and she didn't look much over 20. I shook my head while turning down familiar hallways to where I knew Ibiki would be. I opened an unlocked door and came into a small room with a one-way mirror seeing into a gray room with only a table and two chairs. Ibiki was in one chair while a distressed man wearing a rain village hitai-ate sat across in the other. A moderator on my side of the glass sat dispassionately in a chair looking out the one-way mirror.

The moderator barely gave me a looked when I sat on the floor. I didn't know how long this interrogation was going to last. I could hear Ibiki in the next room over _'-nd you do know you'll only get out of here if you tell me?' 'Why did you stab the on their arm instead of their heart?' 'You do know they weren't stabbed in the arm, right? You weren't there, you didn't know I was lying. Now tell me who killed our shinobi.'_ I smiled. That was such a stupid technique. I hear their footsteps when it became clear the shinobi was simply not going to speak. He had stayed silent the entire time since he blurted out on accident, not caring about the tactic or anything Ibiki was throwing at him. They got to the door and it opened, Ibiki threw the interrogated man at the moderator. He had a look of disgust on his face and mumbled to hand him over to someone else. The moderator nodded and went away with the man. Ibiki noticed me sitting and a large smile and hefty laugh later we were sitting where he was previously interrogating.

"What are you doing here, Kagome-chan?" He spoke sweetly. My vision jaded at the thought of my nightmare. Flashes of my dead loved ones came to mind along with my conversation with the darkness. I was still trying to piece if it was real or not. I decided to begin, "Well…"

He was tired. Of course, he'd spent days without sleep before, that was just the life of the shinobi. He was still able to be tired. He lazily rubbed his visible eye, ruffling his hair back. He missed the missions where he didn't have to go through this. When in ANBU there was a private and immediate sector for ANBU interrogations. Those were always rougher. He always had a go-to guy, however, that was just as rough as the best of them. Ibiki Morino. He knew that Ibiki liked the lower-class ones if it wasn't important. Something about how easy it was to get them disordered and petrified. He moved up, his soon-to-be interrogated shinobi limp in his hands. Usually, you dropped them off in the infirmary, but Kakashi liked to be there. At least something entertaining to watch between missions.

Not so soon and he was at the desk with the drained woman who was supposed to log in each shinobi coming in, out, and that was staying. Her brown hair was mussed up and her glasses tilted on the edge of her face. She seemed about to pass out, but she still put everything in, asked Kakashi to sign in and head to interrogation room 3. He nodded, dragging his lifeless victim with him. He was a graceful snake through the hallways, perfectly avoiding collision with any other being. The too wasn't far off from the main entrance. He wondered how long he'd have to wait for Ibiki's current client to finish. At least he could watch that in the meantime.

He opened the door quietly to see the bored moderator staring blankly into the room. He gave Kakashi little to no attention and just nodded for him to put the victim in the small holding room behind him. Kakashi wasted no time doing so and turned around, curious to what was happening on the other side of the glass. His eye widened at the sight of the little green fluff. It was Kagome, the little girl he'd looked after for about a week before he stepped down from ANBU. He tuned into what words were being exchanged, "…I don't know what to do, Morino-san… He keeps… He keeps hurting me and he's holding the lives of everyone near me. I don't know. I think that's why I had that dream. I'm not sure what that darkness was about, though. Morino-san, am I crazy? I'm not sure if I can go through this anymore. I want to die. I was to slit my wrists again, Morino-san. I want to quit. If everyone just let me die no one else would get hurt. Naru-kun and Shikamaru would be safe! Please just let me kill myself, Morino-san." Her tears weren't missed. _What…? When did this happen?_

"Kagome-chan, calm down. Don't do anything like that. I'm sure you're just afraid and that's why that dream occurred. If you died, everyone would feel pain. When you're able to tell us who it is in a safe way, the man doing this to you will face consequences. You just have to be patient…" Ibiki tried to explain calmly. Kakashi felt a pang in his heart. He thought she was set up, that people were protecting her. A large band echoed through the room. The chair had slammed backward with Kagome's movement of standing up. She was leaning over the table at Ibiki, "What if he never gets caught? I'll have to suffer forever. I used to think that what happened to me was normal. It was just my life, but now… I've had a taste of love! Shikamaru and Naru-kun and Kitty-tan! They've all shown me that there isn't only pain. Now you want me to just succumb to it again? He's… He's raping me and hurting me and and and…" She fell to the ground.

"Please Morino-san… Just kill me and take it all away. No one will love me now, anyways. If any of them found out they'd know that I'm dirtied. They'd all hate me. If I die now, then no one would ever know or get hurt again." Kakashi shook. The moderator was less uninterested, "Fuck, man. That's some serious shit…" The kid whispered under his breath, "How long has she been coming here like this?" Kakashi calmly replied. The moderator shrugged, "I don't know, something around a few months. I'm usually not here, I just see her around." Kakashi fought the impulse to choke on his breath. Months? He cursed himself. But could he have really done much to prevent this from occurring? It seemed to be ingrained, and abuse seemed to follow her. He sighed, what could anyone have done? Still, he was wondering why she couldn't say anything.

He had lost his desire to watch the interrogation. He turned out of the room and back down the hallway, it's only been about a year and a quarter since she'd first come to the village, how could the little girl get herself in so much trouble? A dull pain resonated, he looked back towards the interrogation room. _What was going on?_ A sigh escaped from behind his mask and he continued down the drab hallway.

I watched the lesson emotionlessly. Iruka had long since become boring to watch. Something slightly interesting did occur, however. He started to assign groups of two to practice the clone jutsu. I found it slightly ridiculous seeing as Kabuto already taught me how to do the shadow clone jutsu. What was interesting was that I got paired with Sasuke. I looked longingly at Shikamaru, who had gotten paired with Ino. It made my blood boil at the way they had started working together. Ino was obviously less experienced and he was _touching_ her. I didn't miss everyone else expressing the same emotion to me being paired with Sasuke, "What, are you deaf?" a shout sounded and I looked back at Sasuke. He was looking at me as if I was beneath him. It reminded me of Kabuto, a wave of fear washed through me.

"I'm… I'm uh sorry, Uchiha-san." I stuttered out in which he rolled his eyes. I looked down, quickly doing the hand signs for the basic clone jutsu. I caught myself too late when I messed up the Boar sign. My clone appeared next to me, in a sickened state. Actually, it wasn't all that far off from what I usually look like, but I had still messed up. I heard an exasperated come from the boy across from me. I flinched hard when he moved slightly, expecting an attack to come my way. Nothing came and I opened my eyes to him staring in confusion, "Idiot. You messed up-" I didn't need to hear him tell me what I did wrong, I interrupted him, "the boar sign. I know. I was nervous." I did the signs quickly over again, this time acing them all. Three perfectly functional clones sprouted around me.

I looked up to Sasuke. I hadn't really noticed our height difference before, but he seemed comically taller than me. Of course, almost everyone was, but no one else looked at me like that except for Kabuto. He glared at me, doing them perfect the first time, effectively making two functional clones. We were done. He didn't talk to me, simply watched as people like Naruto failed to even make anything appear. Sakura made a meek little version of herself. I didn't pay much more attention to them, my eyes were stuck to Shikamaru and Ino. She hated me, and I had no idea why. I guess it might have that because I started working at her family's shop, her pay got bumped down a bit. But nothing else made sense. She hated me and she knew of my slight crush on Shikamaru. At this point it was obvious that she was failing so much just to get a rise out of me every time Shikamaru when to help her. It was working.

"Hey, you got a little desperate on your face." Sasuke's snarky remark made me whip back towards him. Our faces were only inches apart, I didn't expect him to be so close. I frowned and pushed him away, "Shut up, you should see the way everyone else looks at you. I'm not nearly as bad. But I mean, what do they even see in _you_ anyways. You're a stuck up little brat. 'Oh no, I'm Sasuke, my entire family was slaughtered, boohoo.' Grow up, you brooding fool." It happened in a second, he had me pinned down. The room continued with its noise, seemingly not noticing him pinning me to the wall, he looked at me with a murderous glare. I didn't know how that whole sentence came out or what even gave me the bravery in the first place, "You have _no idea_ what you're talking about"

Another spike of bravery, fueled by my rage at that statement, "Wanna bet, you brat? At three years old, I was kidnapped and my entire family burned down in flames. I was experimented on, starved, and beat regularly for no reason until I was ten and leaf nin found the compound I was raised in. I stayed in a room stained in my own blood. The pain and nightmares are still so unbearable that I cry almost every day. Ever wonder _why_ I went to the hospital and out of school for a month? I tried to kill myself from the pain. I remember my entire house burning. I remember my family dying. For no reason, other than me. You? Your brother killed your clan. He _spared_ you. And you've done nothing with that expect brood and complain. He left you alive and you have made nothing of your life. So, tell me I have 'no idea' all you want, but tell me when you've suffered years of mental and physical abuse if you have any idea what I've been through." My breath was short and raspy by the end of it. Sasuke let go of me, looking at me with wide eyes.

He retreated, slumping back on the wall. I fell in a heap. Why did I do that? I can't remember the last time I'd stuck up like that. It almost felt like I was slapping Kabuto, it made me feel strong. I heard a mumble come from the same boy. I inwardly groaned thinking, what now? "What was that?" I questioned, leaning in closer to hear better. In a quiet voice, I heard him choke out, "I'm sorry. I'm not saying it again." He looked away quickly, a light tint on his face. I rolled my eyes and reached up to pat his head. He turned towards me, alarmed. I flinched back at the sudden movement, "Don't do that" His demand sent a shiver. After that, he just started to talk to me. For the rest of class, he simply spoke about what he was interested in, and his entire vengeance plan. I expressed my displeasure with it.

Then, the question came up. One I had been dreading, "Why do you have so many bruises, Kagome-chan?" I looked up startled and stammered something about being clumsy. I knew it sounded like a lie. He was about to respond when Iruka's voice boomed, "Class is over, you all have progressed really well. I'll see you tomorrow!" I stood up and ran to Shikamaru. He was still talking to Ino, but me crashing into him and hugging him at a high-speed pace interrupted their conversation, "Oh hey Kagome" Shikamaru pushed me up off him. I could see Ino's visible annoyance. She sighed loudly and her attention was caught by Sasuke quickly. Shikamaru and I were finally alone. I attached myself to him and despite him trying to get me off, I didn't budge, "What's up with you?"

I shrugged, "I didn't like being paired with Uchiha-san." He nodded and gently pushed me again. I stepped back, "Troublesome little… let's go. Come to my house, I'll make you something, my treat." My entire world lit up. He was taking me over to his house! I had only been there once before and it had been briefly. His father and I talked most of the time. He asked me simple questions I got bored with and then he got progressively harder. I didn't really get why he was doing what he was, they were weird questions. I shrugged it off. I liked the man. He said he liked me too and hoped to see me again after I left. It's been months since that. I'd been so busy with the job and Kabuto I guess I was failing at being there for Shikamaru.

Said boy was starting to leave, I took his hand in mine. He looked startled for a second before shrugging and pulling me along. _Shikamaru was letting me hold his hand?_ The walk over to his house was relaxing, his hand entwined in mine the entire time. I'd forgotten how large the Nara compound was. People side glanced me when we walked in. Shikamaru ignored them all. I kept my head down and let him guide me to his house. I was so happy in this moment, with his hand in mine, I doubt anything could have made it bad.

Sakura got in trouble with something. I hadn't heard all the specifics of it, but she got expelled from the program. Something irritated me about the entire situation. We were about to all take the graduation test here in a few months. It was more than odd that such a straight arrow kid would suddenly get expelled from the program. I shook my head, helping a customer that had entered Yamanaka Flower Shop. I helped her carefully pick out flowers for a relative that was in the hospital. She ended up choosing some dahlias. I smiled and rung them up. Dahlias had always been my favorite. They were so colorful and creative, but I rarely sold many unless they were in a mixed bouquet. I wondered if Shikamaru would like Dahlias too, since he liked me so much.

"Ma'am?" A voice came from behind where I was tending to some Bouvardias. I set them down and turned around to meet silver hair and a black piercing eye. The rest of his face was covered in a mask. He wore the common shinobi get up. Shinobi almost never came around unless someone was dead. I hadn't heard any bells or any warning that someone had died, so why was he there? I nodded to him, "How can I help you, sir?"

He looked up, seemingly going into the deep part of his mind to scrounge up an answer, "My lovely little friend needs some cheering up and I'm hoping some flowers might do the trick." I beamed at him. I knew exactly what flowers he needed, "Alstroemerias symbolize Friendship and Devotion. Perfect to give to a close friend. They're pretty, smell good, and they supposedly help the Chakra surrounding your heart." I led him to the ones we had on display. He bent over and examined them with a fine eye. It was like he was interrogating them. I giggled at it and he looked towards me, "What's wrong, ma'am?" I giggled more at his innocent expression. I ceased my little fits and answered, "Oh you just look like you're interrogating the Alstroemerias. They might shrivel up if you keep looking at them like that." The childish look of innocence became one of irritation. My heart raced for a moment, wondering if I lost a customer.

"I-I'm sorry, sir! I didn't mean to offend you at all." He stared at me intensely for a couple of seconds before I could see a large smile form behind his mask. I smiled back at him, "It's fine, ma'am. I like you, I think I'll get a large bouquet of… how did you say it? Alstroamaria?" I corrected him with another small giggle and told him wait by the counter while I got him a bouquet. When I got done ringing him up, he paused before he walked out, "You've grown up nice, Kagome-chan. I hope you're taking care of Starry." Everything stopped for me. _Kitty? Was that… was that really him?_ I was about to ask him when I found that the man was missing. I mumbled a curse and turned around to continue with work.

A few weeks later I excitedly rushed to the academy doors. My new hitai-ate was tied loosely around my neck. Everyone but Naruto had passed. I almost cried when that happened. My heart hand been torn, I knew how much he wanted to become a Genin. But that wasn't my concern now… I was a Genin now. Kabuto had given me a day off assassination and his lust. He'd baked me a small cake. He told me that he loved me, in which I spit at him. Last night he may have been nice but I _would not_ forget his sins towards me. The thought made me skip a step on the roof I was running on and I tripped. I tumbled down and braced myself to fall. I hit the ground. Hard. My arm burned with a fire and tears sprouted in my eyes. I got up with the pain and ran the rest of the way to school.

The sight when I got there made me scream. The girls that had started to beat up Naruto looked up at me. I was simply mortified that they had _kissed._ I felt someone grab my hand and I shook my head and looked up. Shikamaru. I smiled and sighed. It hit me. Naruto was here, he had a hitai-ate. My heart made leaps in my chest. How did he manage that? Did he steal one? Interrupting my thoughts, Iruka entered the room. I sat at the edge of my seat. I was Genin. I spent the last two years pining after this title. Iruka explained the whole dynamic involving us being in squads. I listened eagerly to the teams. He spoke, "Team 7, Uzumaki Naruto," I smiled and wondered who he'd be getting, "Uchiha Sasuke" I almost laughed out loud. They hated each other, "and finally, Tai Kagome." Everything fell. What? I was sure that I'd get Shikamaru. Certain, we'd be the best together. I looked at him when I heard his group. Ino and Choji. He was looking at me too. I gulped and looked down.

I cursed Ino quietly. Did she set this up just to spite me? No, Iruka would never let her. I felt no urge to listen to the rest of the groups. All I could do was glare at Sasuke and even Naruto. Screw them, I should have been with Shikamaru. When lunch rung Iruka told us that our new sensei would meet us here afterwards. I got up and ran. I needed to go over to Naruto's quick and get Starry. Starry was the only thing that could help my mood. I ran swiftly through the village, ignoring the erupting pain in my arm. When I burst through the door and unseemly sight met me. The Hokage and a shinobi. The shinobi was holding Starry. Fury spread through me and I screamed while rushing towards him, "Give me Starry! Get away from him you shit." I easily took the stuffed animal, presumably because he simply let me, and hugged him as I slid on the floor, "Who the fuck are you? Who said that you could come in here and touch my stuff? Who said you could come in here and touch Naru-kun's stuff? Definitely not Naru-kun." I ignored the Hokage in my rant. Tears were in my eyes, I was so upset. Then I recognized him. It was the man from the flower shop a few months ago. The one I thought was Kitty.

"Kagome, dear. Calm down. I was just showing your new sensei Naruto's apartment. If I knew your stuff was here I would have told him not to touch it." The Hokage spoke calmly and I myself calmed down. The shinobi, my _sensei_ spoke next, "I apologize Kagome-chan, I didn't know that it was that important to you" I could see his smile behind his mask, but the way he spoke made me feel like a child. I was but… it belittled me. I hated him, this wasn't Kitty. No way whatsoever. He introduced himself as 'Kakashi Hatake' but that he was to be referred to as Kakashi-sensei. I didn't care, I didn't want him as my sensei, he was so rude. Why couldn't I just stay with Iruka? After a long staring match between Kakashi and I, the Hokage spoke up, "Kakashi, why don't you take Kagome here back to her class and get with the rest of your team?" Kakashi responded immediately, "Of course, Hokage-sama. Come on, Kagome-chan." He put out his hand. I looked at it suspiciously, but took it to humor the Hokage. We all filed out, my grip in one hand with Starry and my grip in the other with Kakashi.

We went our separate ways. I noticed Kakashi taking me the opposite way from the academy, "Ay, where are you going?" I stopped in protest. He tugged at me for a second before sighing, "We should drop off Starry, no? Unless you want to bring him with you?" I widened my eyes before looking to my other hand that held the stuffed animal. But I went to question him more, "Well yeah, but how do you know where I live? And lunch is almost over so we should be meeting with Naruto and Sasuke soon." He simply shrugged for both the answers and I groaned. We continued walking. We got to my apartment and I took great care to make Starry comfortable on my bed.

"Your apartment is very drab compared to the other two. It's dark." Kakashi spoke while I was preparing Starry. I growled at him and stood up, "Let's just go meet with them. We're late." Everything I said to him had venom in it. Kakashi was not Kitty, that much was obvious. Kitty would never be so rude to me. He turned further away from the academy. I groaned and asked him where we were going now that was more important than going to where we were _supposed_ to be. He replied lazily, "I want to show you something. From sensei to student." He led me through crowded streets and eventually to a forest. We came out to a training grounds with three wooden stubs and a marble-looking diamond. He sat down on the concrete the diamond was placed on and motioned for me to join him. I sat down.

"It's very pretty, isn't it, Kagome-san?" He looked wistfully at the diamond. I nodded and read the names engraved. It didn't take long to realize they were all either MIA or KIA. Kakashi probably had friends on there, people he cared about. _See what might happen to Shikamaru and Naruto?_ I jumped at the intrusive thought. Where did I get this thinking from? But it was true, they might end up on here because of me. I started to shake until Kakashi grabbed ahold of me and asked me what was wrong. He didn't believe me when I said nothing. That's when I realized, we were late. Not just late, But _late._ And Naruto and Sasuke were waiting for at least 2 hours now. I screamed at the Jounin.

Naruto and Sasuke had been at differences with me for the rest of the time that we were together as Kakashi was explaining what was going to happen. He had told us to meet him where we'd been before, after a little name game. I shook my head as I put my key in my apartment door. As soon as I turned it, the door swung open. I was tackled. I tried to fight back against the person who had me pinned, but they were stronger. I opened my eyes, trying to see who it was. All I saw was a glimpse of silver before I felt my shorts being pulled down. I knew exactly who it was. I stopped fighting. Kabuto seemed thankful and got my shorts, my shirt, everything, off in a matter of seconds. He still had me pinned. He was kissing my neck, making disgusted shivers go through my body. What happened to not touching me?

I felt him pressed against me before he went inside. I squeaked from the force. It hurt a lot, I wasn't near wet. Not that I usually was, I just usually had a lot more time to prepare myself. I felt a large amount of pain when something inside me tore. There was suddenly even more lubricant in the form of my blood. Every single time he pushed forwards a new wave of pain came forward. I didn't do anything, just laid still as he entered me over and over. He suddenly pulled out before flipping me onto my knees only to suddenly enter me again. He was speeding up. I could hear his moans. He stopped when my blood was starting to dry up and it was getting harder for him to buck. He pulled out and stood up. I slid to the ground, coughing. I didn't notice when he came back with a syringe. It was in my neck with speed, a liquid entering my veins.

Everything heated up. The earlier pain turned into an intense heat that left me bothered. Kabuto stood over me, his face vacantly looking down me, "Gome-chan, beg. Beg for me to fuck you." My mind was too blank to respond, with the sudden pleasure having me pooling. I felt a hard slap. It hurt. I shook my head to snap out of it. I did what he asked, "P-Please fuck me, Kabuto-sama." A smile reached his face and quicker than I could process I was on my back and he was inside me. My body shuddered and I let out a loud moan. This seemed to egg him on because he went faster when I did this. My eyes had been closed, but I opened them and met his black ones. My mouth was slightly open as I stared into his eyes, "Shit." He whispered as he went even faster.

I unexpectedly felt a rush of charka flooding my body. I screamed at the unwelcome force that made my entire frame rack. Then a flood of warmth went inside me. He pulled out slowly, making sure to keep every drop inside. I shook furiously, coughing. I felt disgusting. I looked up towards him, wondering why he did this to me now. He didn't seem to be willing to answer. He picked me up forcefully, I screamed when he flung me onto my bed. This treatment went on for the rest of the night. When I woke up in the morning, admittedly already completely late for the rendezvous, he was gone and I was covered in bruises, blood pooled from unknown places. I got up slowly. I was already late, what use rushing? I didn't have time to shower, but I hobbled to the bathroom to lightly wash and brush the blood and… questionable liquid from my hair. I was quick to bandage myself up after that.

Everything burned, from getting dressed to walking to the meeting spot. He usually banged me up pretty good, but last night was a nightmare. He didn't just rape me. I flashed back to him beating me, punching me like a pillow. Him getting out kunai and cutting deep into me. Stabbing me. I looked where my wounds would be, they were hidden under a navy-blue sweatshirt and shorts with bandages covering my legs. Not my usual attire, but I had to hide the severity of the wounds. People will believe just a few bruises could be from training, but this? No one would do this to themselves. Not unless they were extremely masochistic. I made it to the training grounds 2 hours late. Sasuke was quiet, Naruto yelled at me and asked if Kakashi was with me somewhere. I shook my head and shrugged. The world around me was getting dizzy.

I plopped myself down on the ground, trying to stabilize. Walking here was a chore, how was I going to complete the training today? Another hour passed, low and behold out sensei approached. One sarcastic excuse later and he started to explain our task. My heart dropped with every word. I _couldn't_ fucking do this. I would die before we even started. I ignored everyone's antics, trying to concentrate on not dying. My head pounded and the world fizzed in and out. My haze was broken by a small tap on my shoulder. I tried to focus and looked up, "I said go, Kagome." My eyes widened and I hid quickly. God damn it what did he say? Something about getting bells? Everything seared again when I finally stopped at a hiding spot. I didn't even attempt to hide my chakra. Let him find me, he might kill me.

I looked out onto the field. Naruto, being the idiot that he was, refused to hide. I didn't care too much at this point. I was too out of it. It was hot and I was hungry and everything was so _bright._ I watched with amusement as Kakashi toyed with an irritated Naruto. This scene went on for a while before Naruto, being the idiot that he was, had been caught in one of the simplest traps I'd ever seen. That's when I sensed Sasuke. He was making a move? I looked over to Kakashi. It seemed his guard was down. Seemed. My eyes widened. I left my spot in a blur, getting there seconds before the kunai and shuriken would have hit Kakashi, "It was a trap, Sasuke, I bought you some time, move. MOVE!" I screamed those words before the pain became too much. The kunai and shuriken had landed in several of my previous wounds.

I woke up next to a grumpy Sasuke, a tied-up Naruto, two untouched bento boxes, and Kakashi looking down on us. My stomach growled. I hadn't eaten since the day before yesterday. He addressed me, "Feeling better, Kagome? You took quite the brunt of that attack." Sasuke's and Naruto's stomachs growled in unison and that drove Kakashi's attention over there, "Uh-oh. I hear stomachs growling… Too bad. But anyways, about this exercise? I've decided. I'm not sending any of you back to the academy." Naruto got excited and screamed out a little bit. Sasuke looked pleasantly surprised. Kakashi continued, "Yes, yes. All three of you are being dropped from the program permanently." My heart dropped. I'm dead. Kabuto and Orochimaru were going to kill me.

I drowned out Naruto's yelling. I heard Kakashi slightly, something about teamwork. All I could think of, _'Kabuto is going to lock me up and use me and rape me and beat me until I'm dead. I failed.'_ I zoned in on Kakashi when I heard my name, "…and Kagome is the only one who even thought about her own teammates. She took extensive, life-threatening injuries in order for Sasuke to get away. That, however, doesn't make her exempt from guilt. She fainted and failed anyways- "I started to cry. Straight out sobbing that interrupted whatever tangent Kakashi was on. He stepped back from me. Screaming and crying, I started to yell, "This isn't fair! It isn't fucking fair! I worked on this. I took everything away from myself for this. And now I'm going to die! -" Kakashi came over and put a hand on my shoulder, silencing me, "Since you all seem so passionate about this, I'll give you another chance. You'll have three hours to get a bell. Eat lunch now to build up strength. But don't give any to Naruto." Just like that, he was gone.

I reached out and grabbed a bento. Sasuke did the same. He started eating, but as soon and I was going to take a bite of rice, Naruto's stomach growled. I sighed, why was I doing this? Oh yeah, I'm dead anyways, "Here Naruto." I took a chopstick full of rice and beef and stuffed it in his mouth, "I'm vegetarian anyways" I kept feeding him until Sasuke stopped my hand, "Let me give him the rest of mine. I already ate most of it." As soon as Naruto took a bite from Sasuke's chopstick, hell broke loose. We were caught. The yelling from Kakashi and sudden change in light made me panic. Sasuke and Naruto protested Kakashi's verdict of failing us, saying 'we are one' and other crap like that. It worked. After the faux pas scary-kakashi-angry-kakashi, he smiled, telling us we passed. I zoned out after he started droning on about the whole teamwork thing again. All I could think was 'I'm not gonna die'.

After his entire speech, I stumbled up, Sasuke falling suit. Kakashi started leading us away. We almost left Naruto. Had it not been for my kindness and will to get over the fact that I felt like I was dying, he would have stayed there. After I got done untying Naruto, Kakashi approached me. He looked at me, concerned, "Kagome, we need to talk." A shiver went up my spine, "Okay."


End file.
